【復縁・恋愛成功法則】モテる男の実践テク!女の「容姿とセックス」に関する6つの扱い方

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ブログ記事には書かれていない内容を、特別解説!

読んだあとに、絶対に見てくださいね!

 

「彼女がかわいくて、
からかうつもりで太っているよねと言っていました・・・」

 

「彼女はやせたい!
と言っていたけど、
僕はムッチリが本当に好みだったから、

そのままでいい!
とよく言い合いになっていました・・・」

 

「自分の好みでいて
くれることが、愛情表現だろ!って思って、

彼女の洋服や髪型についていろいろ言ってしまい・・・」

 

こんにちは。永峰あやです。

 

・大好きな女性に告白したけどふられた

・つきあっていた彼女にふられた

 

の原因のひとつに、

 

体型やファッション等、相手の女性の容姿について指摘したこと

 

というのが非常に多いです。

 

※男性自身は、言ったことも
忘れているぐらい無意識だったり、

 

良かれと思って言ったことが
仇になってしまっているというケースが大半です。

 

今日は、無意識に女性の容姿を傷つけ、
モテない男性、ふられた男性であるあなたのために、

 

『なぜ女性が男性に
自分の容姿について
指摘されることにトラウマを抱くのか』

 

ということについてお伝えします。

 

モテない男と一般女性の間の隔絶

彼氏と別れたい・・・

告白されたけどOKしたくない・・・

 

と悩み、私に電話相談してくる
女性達の声の事例をあげますと。。。

 

「彼氏は、仕事で忙しいから・・・
と私の話を聞いてくれません。

久しぶりに会ったら、
太ったね!と言われて、もうやっていけないと思いました」

 

「いつも褒めてくれるのは
うれしいけど、外見しか見てないの?

と嫌気がさしてきたし、彼に合わせるのが疲れたので別れたいです」

 

「元カレは、華奢な女性が好き
と言っていて、私と別れた後、

私よりやせている女性と
つきあっていることが判明し、自分を全否定された気持ちになりました・・・」

 

などなど、、

 

・容姿について評価されることが、別れの引き金になる

・容姿について褒められていても、男性が容姿について向ける視線自体に嫌悪を抱く

・男性からの容姿についての言葉が、女性の存在否定にまでなっている

 

といった結果を招いているのです。

 

一方、冒頭で紹介した、
女性の容姿について指摘して
ふられてしまった男性達の悩みからみえてくるのが、

 

・愛情表現として「無意識に」女性の容姿を評価したことで傷つけてしまった

・女性が自分好みの容姿でいる=女性から自分への愛情表現であり当然と思っている

・女性の容姿を肯定しているのに、
その「男性が肯定した容姿」と「女性自身が望む容姿」が違うと、否定していることにしかならない

 

といったことです。

 

自分の容姿について言われた女性側と、

相手の女性の容姿について
指摘した男性側の、感情や考えには大きな隔たりがあるのです。

 

すなわち、隔絶があるからこそ、
安易に女性の容姿については指摘してはならない

 

ということを男性であるあなたはしっかりおさえてくださいね。

 

それでは、なぜこのような隔絶が起こるのでしょうか?

 

セクシュアリティ(性)における男女間の非対称的な位置づけ

セクシュアリティにおける
男女間には非対称的な位置づけがあります。

 

例えば、あなたが普段
お世話になっているアダルトビデオを思い出してください。

 

・男優さんが、女優さんの
おっぱいをわしづかんで揉むと、

 

あんあん気持ちよくなって
よがり、そのまま挿入「されて」イカ「されて」しまう

 

・はじめは「いやん、やめて」
と拒否していた女優さんが、

 

おっぱいやおまんこを
ベロベロ舐められて感じるようになり、

 

男優さんに身体を許してしまい征服「される」といった

 

「男性が女性を攻めている」内容のものばかりです。

 

※最近は、女優さんが
男優さんのおっぱいをペロペロ舐めたり、

 

おしりの穴にエネマグラを
突っ込んであひあひ言わせるといった、

 

女性が男性を攻める「痴女もの」というジャンルも出てきました。

 

が、こういった類のものは
ごくわずかで、やはり男性が女性を攻めるというものが主流です。

 

このように、性的欲望は、
もっぱら男性が女性の身体に向けて積極的に喚起され、

 

女性は男性の「主体」的な欲望に「客体」としてその身体を投げ出す

 

というのが、近代において一般化された性的関係なのです。

 

歴史的にみた女性の「容姿と性」の扱われ方

さらに女性の容姿について
深く理解するために歴史的な観点からみていきましょう。

 

裸の女性を描いた「裸婦」
は絵画や彫刻、写真などの
芸術のモチーフとして常に取り上げられてきました。

 

本来、裸の状態とは
宗教における「天使」のスタイルだったのですが、

 

裸の女性は天から地に
降りてきて、世俗化され、
「裸婦」となって生身の女性のスタイルに変化したのです。

 

西欧の芸術分野において、
長い歴史の中で追求されてきた女性の身体における「美」は、

 

男性のセクシュアリティと
不可分に結びつき、さらには、

女性の身体からも分離して商品にも取り上げられるようになりました。

 

例えば、自動車の流線型の車体
やひと昔前のコカコーラの瓶は
女性の身体を模してデザインされたものです。

 

このようにみていくと、
女性は社会の中で、
「女性自身も気づかないうち」に、

自分の身体を外側から、
あたかも商品であるかのように扱われることが奨励されていくのです。

 

※以前のブログ記事で

「女性は理由もなく美にこだわる生き物」

 

ゆえに、容姿については
配慮を持って接しなければならないということに言及しました。

 

ここで知ってほしいのは、
見方を変えれば、

 

女性は自らの意志で、
好んで、男性以上に容姿を磨いているのではない

 

ということです。

 

歴史的な変遷、
社会的なカラクリの中で、

 

女性は、主体である男性
の客体として、欲望される美しい存在でなければ価値がないという

 

「見えない圧力」があるからこそ、
「半」無意識的に容姿を磨き続けているともいえるのです。

 

ですから、

 

「俺のことを愛しているなら、
容姿を俺好みにするのは当然」

 

「女なら、キレイでいるのが
当たり前だからやせたほうがいい」といった、

 

男性側の「当たり前」発言は、
女性にとっては「ゲロ」にすぎないのです。

 

要は、男性としては、
女を喜ばせるためにしている「あたりまえ体操」が、

 

女性から見たら、
公衆の面前でフルチンで「あたりまえ体操」をしている「イタい男」

 

ってな感じですよ。まじで、やばいですね。

 

女性には性欲がないという究極の幻想

このような女性の容姿
に対する「見えない圧力」の究極系が

 

「女性は美しい存在だから性欲はない」といった言説です。

 

私の電話相談でも、

 

「実は彼女はセックス経験
がたくさんあって、汚い女でショックです・・・」

 

「彼女がオナニーを
しているのを見てしまった。
正常な女性じゃないから別れたいです・・・」

 

といった、究極系の
とんでもはっぷんな男性の発言がよく飛び出します。

 

ここまでくると、

 

「三郎、よくがんばった。
とりあえず、故郷へ帰れや!」と暇を出してやるしかないです(汗)

 

もちろん、このような
発言をしてしまうのは、
その男性がクソだからだ!

 

と一刀両断できない面もあります。

 

なぜなら、19世紀の
性科学や近代精神医学では、

 

「主体的に欲望するのは
男性のみであり
女性には主体的な欲望が存在しない」

 

といったことが、
「あたりまえ体操」だったからです。

 

19世紀の学者達も、
公衆の面前で「フルチンあたりまえ体操」をしてしまっていたんですね。。。

 

でも、ときは、21世紀です。

 

平成を生きる男性として、
上記のようなゲロ発言は
女性を苦しめるだけでなく、

 

地球を汚すので、絶対にやめましょうね。

 

女性に対しても、
地球に対しても、エコな男性でいてください。

 

モテる男の6つの女の扱い方

以上、
女性の容姿が歴史的、社会的に
どう扱われてきたかをふまえて、

 

 

あなたは次の6つのことを実践してください。

 

1 女性が、自分のために
容姿を磨いたり、自分好みのオシャレをする

=男性である自分への愛情表現といった価値基準を捨てる

 

2 女性は、かわいくて、
性欲がない存在といった誇大妄想を捨てる

 

3 自分目線で
相手の女性の容姿に対して「良い、悪い」といったジャッジをしない

 

4 この社会の中で
「見られる身体」として存在する女性の葛藤を理解する

 

5 葛藤を理解した上で、
その女性の容姿であなたが
「かわいい」「キレイ」と感じた部分を伝えてあげる

 

6 女性の容姿を褒める際には、同時に内面の良さも褒めるようにする

 

つまり、モテる男というのは、
自分目線ではなく、相手目線になれるエコ男ってことです。

 

この世は21世紀、
いい加減、自分さえよければいい!

 

「汚水垂れ流し公害男」は卒業しましょうね☆

 

ビバ!エコ男!

 

永峰あや

 

 

  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

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