自分から振ったけど復縁したい!おとなしい、受け身、尽くす系の元カノとよりを戻す2つの方法 

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★★今回の記事に関連する【特別動画音声】です★★

ブログ記事には書かれていない、よりコアな内容を解説しています。

絶対に結果を出したい人は、必ず聞いてくださいね。

 

「彼女から結婚の話をされて、振ったけど復縁したい」

 

「彼女は自分に対して、何の不満も言ってこなかったのに、突然振られた」

 

「元カノの気持ちが、全く読めない…」

 

「元カノは受け身で本音を言わないから、どう接していいかわからない」

 

「元カノとLINEしてるけど、壁を感じるし、全然進展しない…」

 

こんちわ!永峰あやです。

 

今日は、自分から振った元カノと復縁したい、元カノの心理が読めない、彼女が感情的でどう接していいかわからないというあなたへ。

 

・自分から振ったけど復縁したい!おとなしい、受け身、尽くす系の元カノとよりを戻す2つの方法

 

についてお伝えします。

 

もし、あなたがこれを知らなければ…

 

・女性は感情的だから理解できない…と決めつけ、好きな人と付き合うチャンスを失います

 

・あなたは自然に接しているにもかかわらず、元カノには「上から目線でエラソー」と移り、ますます嫌われます

 

・彼女の気持ちを誤解し続け、復縁できません

 

もし、あなたがこれを知れば…

 

・女性心理が手にとるようにわかるようになり、モテまくります

 

・元カノが今まで何をガマンしてきたのかが理解した上でアプローチできるので、復縁できます

 

・女性心理と男性心理の違いがわかり、堂々と好きな人に接近して付き合うことができます

 

恋愛とは、男と女の「心」のまぐわい。

 

この、「心」「感情」に対する、男と女の扱い方、処理の仕方を徹底解説するので、あなたの恋愛や復縁が、根本からうまくいくようになります。

 

男性のあなたにとって、耳が痛い話もありますが、勇気を持って、受け止めながら、あなたの五臓六腑に染み渡らせて、ゴールド男になってつかーさい!

 

それでは、今日のテーマに関連する、北上さんからの相談です。

 

【恋愛相談】自分から結婚を断り振った元カノと復縁したいです

はじめまして、北上です。

 

6年前に出会って遠距離で交際していた元カノと1年前に、元カノが「仕事を辞めて、私のところへ行きたい」との申し出に私は拒否してしまいました。

 

その後2か月後に話し合った結果、半年の冷却期間を設け半年後結婚する予定でした。

 

しかし、冷却期間中に元カノの会社の同僚の14歳上の男性に奪われてしまいました。

 

1週間に一度たわいのない内容をラインでこちらから連絡すれば返信はあります。

 

でも、なかなか良き相談者のポジションにいけません。

 

共感や彼女に中心の話題に心がげていますが、警戒してるのか、キープされてるのかわかりませんが、新彼の話は向こうからしてきません。

 

復縁の話は、別れ話の時のみです。

 

そしてその時に、「新彼と別れたら会って話す」との約束をしました。

 

しかし、女心は秋の空なんであてにはしてませんし、元カノは最近では敬語も少々使うようになってきました。

 

付き合っていた時も受け身な女性でしたので、向こうからメールが来ることはほぼなっかったです。

 

どんな間隔でラインを送っていいのか、どんな話をしてれば徐々に良き相談者のポジションになれるのでしょうか?

 

いきなり「彼とはうまくいってる?」とかの話をしても警戒されるのでは?

 

と思ってしまいます。

 

このまま向こうから言い出すまでは触れないほうがいいのでしょうか?

 

新彼は年上の大人な男性です、私より共感の仕方や甘えさせるのがうまいはずと不安になります。

 

【復縁成功の2つのポイント】1女性心理を知る、2潜在意識の問題

北上さんとしては、半年後に結婚するというつもりで距離を置いたのに、その間に、元カノは、別の男性と付き合うことになったというすれ違いは、とても辛いですよね。

 

遠距離で、かつ、元カノの彼氏が14歳年上の男性となると、復縁したい!という気持ちがあっても、本当にできるかな…二人が結婚してしまったらどうしよう…とどんどん不安になりますよね。

 

傷心の北上さんやあなたにとっては、厳しい回答になるかもしれませんが、確実に成果を出して、しあわせになれるように、愛を込めて回答していきマッスル!

 

あなたの復縁の鍵は2つです。

 

1 【女性心理を知る】:女性に対する決めつけと、男性である自分に対する無自覚さを意識!女性心理を知って、元カノを虜にする

 

2 【潜在意識の問題】:相手より優位に立って、自分を守ろうとする態度、不自然なほど相手と関わることを回避する人間関係の取り方が、元カノの心を話してしまったことに気づきく

 

この2つをしっかりおさえることができたら、復縁の可能性もグッと高まります。

 

今日は、1の「女性心理を知る」にフォーカスして、解説していきますね。

 

そいじゃ、しっかりついてこいやーーーー!ヤッホー!!!

 

マニュアル通りでは復縁できない!元カノを全体的に捉える視点

>>1週間に一度たわいのない内容をラインでこちらから連絡すれば返信はあります。しかし、なかなか良き相談者のポジションにいけません。

 

>>どんな間隔でラインを送っていいのか、どんな話をしてれば徐々に良き相談者のポジションになれるのでしょうか?

 

>>いきなり「彼とはうまくいってる?」とかの話をしても警戒されるのでは?

 

あなたが、復縁のための手順や、恋愛テクニックを一生懸命勉強してくださっている様子は伝わってきます。

 

もちろん、元カノと復縁するためには、あなたが感じていることを言葉や動作で表現する必要がありますので、このような恋愛テクニックやコミュニケーションスキルは重要です。

 

でも、それ以前に、

 

・あなたと元カノの出会ってから別れに至るまでの経緯

 

・元カノが求めていたにも関わらず、あなたが満たすことができなかったことや、相手が嫌がっているにも関わらず、あなたが与えてしまった苦痛(別れの原因)

 

についておさえることが重要です。

 

現在のあなたの元カノへの関わり方をみると、マニュアル通りに、そのまま実践すればうまくいくといった姿勢で臨んでいるような印象があります。

 

私のブログ記事や音声では、10000件以上の男女の恋愛相談の経験に基づいて、汎用性と再現性が高いことを情報提供しています。

 

あなたが好きな人と付き合いたい!元カノと復縁したい!のであれば、これらの情報を、ただ、そのまま、丸写しで実践していてはいけません。

 

当たり前ですが、恋愛は、日本史や世界史のような、暗記して、答えを書けばいい類のものではありません。

 

恋愛マニュアルを、頭の中だけで理解して、相手の女性の存在を無視して、暗記テストのように遂行していてはダメなんです。

 

・恋愛、復縁は、今、この瞬間も、変化し続けている、生身の女性との絆を築いていく行為

 

です。

 

さらに、今、この瞬間を生きている元カノの行為の背景には、「近接する歴史」があるのです。

 

近接する歴史とは、さきほど伝えた、

 

・あなたと元カノの出会ってから別れに至るまでの経緯

 

・元カノが求めていたにも関わらず、あなたが満たすことができなかったことや、相手が嫌がっているにも関わらず、あなたが与えてしまった苦痛(別れの原因)

 

のことです。

 

例えば、たわいのない内容には返信してくれるけど、プライバシーに関わる深い話題は相談してくれない

 

という現状から一歩進めたいのであれば、

 

・現在、心を開いてくれない元カノ

 

・あなたに打ち解けられないようになった、これまでのあなたとの関わり、過去の出来事

 

・元カノが心を開かない理由

 

・元カノがあなたに打ち解けないことで果たそうとしている目的

 

こういった、元カノの行為の背景にある事象(出来事)全体を捉えて、復縁のアプローチをしていかなければどうにもなりません。

 

具体的にどういうことか?北上さんのケースに当てはめて考えてみましょう。

 

・たわいのない内容であれあ返信が来るが、プライベートの話は一切してくれず、最近は敬語を使われますます距離感がある。

 

・受け身な性格の女性で、自分から連絡してくることはなかった。そんな女性が、勇気をふりしぼって「仕事を辞めて、あなたの所に行きたい」と言ってくれたのに、断った。

 

・付き合っていた頃から、私の気持ちは聞いてくれなかった。何で今更、相談にのろうとしているのかよくわからない…結婚に関して切り出したけど、拒絶するような人には、自分の近況は話したくない。

 

・今は、新しい彼氏がいるから、打ち解けて勘違いされても困る。ある程度距離を持った関係を保とう

 

このような元カノの全体像が浮かびあがってきますよね。

 

この元カノに対して、少しずつ、心を開いてもらえるようにあなたは行動する必要があるのです。

 

あなたにとって厳しいかもしれませんが、すぐに信頼されるような関係になるのことは難しい、ゆっくり時間をかける必要があるということが、元カノの行為の背景にある事象全体を捉えれば簡単に理解できますよね。

 

・ただマニュアルを遂行する、ではなく、元カノの全体像を捉えて、あなたの思考、心、体をフル稼働させて関係性を積み上げていく

 

という構えを大切にしてくださいね。

 

女性は「女の心は秋の空」「女は感情的」と決めつける男が大嫌い

日本女性の9割は、

 

・告白やプロポーズは男性側からするものだ

 

という価値観を持っているので、自ら男性に結婚のアプローチをすることは、イレギュラーです。

 

にもかかわらず、申し出を拒否し、結婚についての話合いを設けたのは2ヶ月も経過した後。

 

さらに、半年間冷却期間を置いてから結婚しようというあなたの行動は、女性心理を知らなすぎます。

 

※そもそも、結婚するという約束をしたのであれば、冷却している場合ではありません。

 

結婚に向けて、二人で準備して、熱くなっていくのが通常の行動ですよね。

 

結婚したいと望んでいる相手に対して、結婚の約束をして、半年間も冷却(何もせずにいたということでしょうか?)
し続けていたら、不信感を抱いて、心が離れていってしまうのは当然です。

 

元カノと合意の上で結婚をすすめてきたというよりは、あなたの頭の中で、勝手に解釈している部分が多い印象があります。

 

いまいちどどうだったのか、振り返ってみてくださいね。

 

あなたは、女性心理について

 

>>そしてその時に、「新彼と別れたら会って話す」との約束をしました。しかし、女心は秋の空なんであてにはしてませんし、元カノは最近では敬語も少々使うようになってきました。

 

と、

 

・女の感情の起伏が激しく、場面や時期でコロコロ気分が変わるからあてにならない

 

と評価しています。

 

が、女性は、このように「女は感情的」と決めつける男が大嫌いです。

 

恋愛や復縁のテクニックよりも、女性に対する「基本的な構え」を変えなければ、絶対に結果は出ません。

 

さあ、あなたの姿勢を変えていくわよん!ピシピシ!オラオラ!ポキッ!あっ、折れちゃったかもー

 

私に恋愛相談してくる女性達も、

 

「彼にうまく伝えられなくて泣いてしまったら、“感情的になってますますわかんねーよ!”と冷たく言われ、別れたいです」

 

「私の気持ちをわかってくれないから不満をぶつけたら、“感情的になられても話し合いにならない”と無視された」

 

「彼に怒った後、悪かったなと思ってすぐに謝ったら、“女は感情でコロコロ変わって振り回さないでほしい”と言われて、もう一緒にいたくない」

 

と、彼氏に「感情的」と決めつけられ、話し合いにならないし、別れたいと訴える方が多いです。

 

・女は感情的でコロコロ変わるからわからない・・・

 

・女はすぐ泣くから。泣けばいいと思って・・・

 

・感情的に言われても、こたえようがない・・・

 

このように、都合が悪いと、すぐに女性を「感情的」と決めつけて、話し合いに応じなかったり、無視したりします。

 

また、「別れたい」「不満」「さみしい」といった女性に対して、どのように受け止め、対処していいかわからないから、取り合わなかったり、言いくるめたりしてしまうのです。

 

後ほどふれますが、男性の大半は「論理的」「理性的」であることが、「感情的」「直感的」であることより優れていると思っています。

 

そのため、あなたは無意識かもしれませんが、「女は感情的」と評価したときには、相手を見下す態度をとってしまっている可能性が高いです。

 

女性は、このような態度に、「侮辱された」と敏感に反応しますので、ぜひ、このような構えを改めて接するようにしてくださいね。

 

では、なぜ女性は「女心は秋の空」「女は感情的」と言う男が嫌いなのでしょうか。

 

一般的に、男は論理的かつ理性的、女は感情的かつ感性的な生き物だと言われています。

 

たしかに、女性の生殖器(骨盤)と心の関連からいえば、女性は確かに男性より感情の起伏があるといえますが、しかし、生得的に、男は論理的かつ理性的、女は感情的かつ感性的というわけではありません。

 

女性でも論理的な傾向が強い人もいるし、男でも感性が強い人もいます。

 

むしろ、社会の価値観や親からの教育、漫画、アニメ、映画などの影響をうけて、「女性は感情的」「女性ならではの感性」といった刷り込みがされるのです。

 

彼氏にプロポーズされ泣き、母の日のプレゼントをくれた子どもに泣き、世界の感動物語に泣き、とにかく、テレビの企画でも日常でも、女性は泣いて感情をぶちまけています。

 

ヒステリックに夫をののしったり、失恋の嫉妬で生霊となって相手を苦しめたり、感情的な生き物である女が感情を爆発させると、とんでもないことになる!

 

というモチーフが、神話や民謡、映画や小説など日常のあらゆる場面にちりばめられています。

 

そんな物語を、女性は幼い頃から刷り込まれているので、自分の内なる感情、感性の部分を、恐ろしいぐらい意識して生きています。

 

もちろん、男性であるあなたも、このような女性イメージを意識せざるをえないでが(笑)

 

あなたの元カノ、好きな女性も、もちろん例外なく、自分の感情、感性の部分をものすごく意識して日常生活だけでなく、男女関係も営んでいます。

 

学校で男子からいじめられたとき、ゼミの議論のとき、仕事のプレゼン会議や上司とのやりといなど、女性は、

 

「女は感情的ですぐ泣くからダメ」

 

「感情的に言われても議論にならない」

 

「感覚的に言われてもわからないから、もう少し、論理立てて、きちんと説明して」

 

と言われ続けてきたために、自分の感情をどのように出すか、抑えるか、とても慎重になって対応しているのです。

 

確かに、女性は感情的で、すぐ泣くかもしれませんが、そのメリット以上に、デメリットについても、身にしみて生きているのです。

 

そもそも、学校生活、職場は、論理と理性が重要とされる社会で、自分の感情を思うがままに出してしまってトラブルが生じたら、「感情的で、論理的に説明できないやつだ」とレッテルを貼られてしまうのがおちです。

 

 そういった社会の中で、女性はときにガマンして感情を引っ込め、泣けばなんとなるときには、わざと感情を出し、武器に変えて生きているのです。

 

幼いときから、これだけ、自分の内なる感情と感性を意識して生きてきた女性に対して、「女心と秋の空」「女は感情的だ」と、話合いに応じず、決めつけて、無視していたらどうなるかわかりますよね?

 

「彼氏のあなただけには、私のことわかってほしかったのに…」の果てに、

 

イエス!

 

「この上から目線のクソ男が!」と見切りをつけられます。

 

そして、ここからが重要です。

 

女性は、男性に対して「このクソが!いい加減にしろ!」と思っていても、本音を絶対に言わず、別れを告げます。

 

なぜなら、日本女性の大半は、男女関係において「受け身」の姿勢をとるからです。

 

北上さんの元カノも「受け身」でしたよね。

 

・「告白や結婚のプロポーズをするのは、男性側からするのが当然」

 

・「女は自分からセックスを求めるべきではない」

 

といった、女は、男性に対して「従順であれ」という価値観がこの社会の中に深く根付いているので、心の中では、「クソ、キモイ、死ね」と思っていても、褒められるのが大好きな男性のプライドを傷つけないように、それを言葉にせずに、曖昧にして去るのです。

 

そして、振られた後に、しつこく元カノに聞いてみたら、やっと本音を教えてくれた…というのはよくある話。

 

新しい彼氏もいるけど、元カレのプライドを傷つけて、トラブルになりたくないから、とりあえず本音は言わずに、当たり障りのないやり取りは続けよう…

 

あなたや北上さんには痛い話かもしれませんが、これも、よくある話です。

 

復縁方法1:感情を無いことにして生きている己の性を知る

では、このような女性心理を知らず、好きな人に振られてしまった場合、どのようにしたら、復縁することができるのでしょうか。

 

なんだか、ここまで女性心理を知らない、踏みにじったあんたはチンカス!

 

とメッタ切りされているような気持ちにさせてしまったらごめんなさいね。

 

あなたが悪いのではなく、「男らしさ」「女らしさ」という在り方が全く違うもので、あなたは素直に、自分の「男らしさ」を生き抜いてきた結果、知るよしもなかっただけなので、どうか自分を責めないでくださいね。

 

今回の、あなたの身に起こった恋愛をキッカケに、元カノの「女らしさ」、あなたの「男らしさ」という価値観を知っていきましょう。

 

「感情的」と言われるのが嫌で、嫌でもハッキリ言わずに「受け身」な姿勢をとる女性心理については十分勉強してきました。

 

ここからは、元カノと復縁するために、男性であるあなたの、

 

・感情を無いことにして生きる「男らしさ」

 

について認識しましょう。

 

男性は、自分自身を「感情的」だと思っている人は、ほぼいません。

 

「論理的で、物事を決めるときには、感情に左右されないほうがよい」

 

「喜怒哀楽がなく、クールな男こそ仕事ができる」

 

感情を表に出さず、理性的な男性は、ドラマや映画でもヒーロー像としても出てきます。

 

男性は、論理と理性で成立している社会の中で、競争の勝者になるように育てられてきます。

 

男性であるあなたは、「感情的だね」などといわれたら、「バカ」「チンカス」「ゲスヤロー」と言われるのと同じぐらい、いや、それ以上に侮辱されていると感じるのではないでしょうか。

 

学校、部活動、仕事、恋愛などすべてにおいて、男性は、競争の勝者になることこそ大事だと意識しながら生きてきた男性にとって

 

・目的達成のためには、感情の存在が邪魔

 

といった考えが根付いているのです。

 

・「怒り」「さみしさ」「悲しみ」「嫉妬」といった感情と格闘することにエネルギーを注ぐよりも、そもそも自分には感情が無いことにした方が、目的達成する上で効率が良い

 

これが、男性であるあなたの感情や感性に対する態度なのです。

 

しかし、このように、無いことにしていたあなたの感情が、突如として、水をつまらせたトイレように、ボコボコ溢れかえってしまうことがあるのです。

 

それが、今回の失恋です。

 

日頃から、自分の感情を無視してきた分、失恋や元カノに新しい彼氏ができるといった緊急事態が発生すると、一気に「嫉妬」「執着心」「劣等感」「怒り」「さみしさ」といった感情のヘドロが噴出してしまうのです。

 

 このような感情を、さらに無かったことにしようとすると、ますます感情は溢れ返り、大変なことになります。

 

無かったことにして、元カノの前で冷静さを装っても、表面的な見栄でとりつくろっていることがバレバレで、かえって嫌われます。

 

うんこを漏らして、ズボンが汚れているのに、さも、漏らしていない顔をして話しているのと同じです。

 

自分の男としての性を自覚して、溢れ出すトイレのつまりを、無視することなく、あなたの心ので受け容れましょう。

 

【復縁方法2】一人の人間として、対等に元カノと向き合い、きちんと話し合う姿勢と、受け止める心の器を準備する

ここまでで、あなたは

 

・自分の内なる感情をものすごく意識している女性心理と、感情を無いことにして生きている女性心理の違い

 

について、しっかり理解しました。

 

おめでとうございます!

 

この複雑な男女の違いを知っているのは、一部のゴールド男だけ。あなたは、ゴールド男の一歩を踏み出しています。

 

感情的な女性より、論理的で理性的な男性のほうが優れている、女性は男性に従順で受け身であれ、といった偏った価値観を捨てた上で、元カノと連絡をとってみましょう。

 

しばらくは当たり障りのない会話だったり、敬語を使われるかもしれませんが、そんな元カノを、ありのまま、あなたの心の器で受け止めてください。

 

ゆっくり、じょじょに、彼女の心が開いてくるはずです。

 

以上

 

・自分から振ったけど復縁したい!おとなしい、受け身、尽くす系の元カノとよりを戻す2つの方法

 

についてお伝えしました。

 

ちゃお☆

 

永峰あや

 

復縁メール
  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

386 件のコメント

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    ABOUTこの記事をかいた人

    6年間に及ぶ精神科病院での診療経験を基に、ゲリラな人間心理の専門家として活動中。電話相談師としての累計相談回数は11152件以上と圧倒的で、常に順番待ち。メールボックスには毎日喜びの声が寄せられている。相談内容は恋愛、仕事の悩み、人間関係、鬱など様々。相手を包み込むような愛情と、ガツンと響くストレートなアドバイスはとても人気があり、日本全国に数多くのファンを抱える。連日相談申し込みが殺到しており、今から申し込んでも相談は1ヶ月後より先になってしまうほど人気。現在は「恋愛相談師」として、特に復縁に悩む男性に向けて、自身の経験や、電話相談師として見てきた数多くの女性のリアルな意見を取り入れた復縁術を公開中。