【愛のそうだん酒場】元カノの潜在意識を心理分析して復縁相談を解決「浪費癖から大喧嘩、子宮内膜症の彼女と修復したい」

復縁メール

「彼女と大喧嘩をして別れを告げられた」

「突然彼女に怒られてふられてしまった」

 

思わぬことが大喧嘩に発展し、

突然別れを宣告!

 

自分にとっては大したことではなかったけど、

彼女にとっては重要なことだった!

 

別れを宣告されてから事の重大さに気づき、

「戻りたい!」と懇願しても時すでに遅し。。。

 

そんなあなたに、今回は、

 

「費浪癖から大喧嘩、子宮内膜症の彼女と修復したい」

佑樹さん、26歳、男性の電話相談に対して、

 

私、永峰が実際に行ったアドバイスをお伝えします。

 

相談内容:「費浪癖から大喧嘩、子宮内膜症の彼女と修復したい」

相談者:佑樹さん、26歳、男性

 

僕のつきあっている彼女のことで相談があります。

 

20歳のときに彼女と

「結婚するから、お金を貯める」と約束しました。

 

でも、僕の浪費ぐせで貯められず、

2年前の6月に大喧嘩になり

 

「今度こそ毎月貯金するから」

と約束しつきあってきました。

 

前から彼女は子宮内膜症で、最近医者から

「今年手術するか子供を産むか決めないといけない」

と告げられました。

 

彼女から「子供を産みたいから結婚したい」

と言われましたが、僕がぜんぜんお金を

貯めれてないことがわかると

 

「裏切られた」

とウツになってしまいました。

 

メンタルが弱い子で、僕のせいで前みたいに

リストカットするようになって、

彼女の親にも「何年待たせるんだ」と怒られました。

 

彼女は結婚するために、ずっと貯金して

いろいろ我慢していたのに、

裏切ってしまって、申し訳なくって。

 

彼女に「これから毎月貯めるし、

ボーナスも貯めるから」と言ったけど、

 

「許せない」と会ってもらえません。

 

現場系の仕事で、手取りが12万でやばかったので、

2年前に転職したけど、結局貯めないで

自分の楽しみに使ってしまいました。

 

彼女につぐないたいです。

修復するにはどうしたらいいですか。

 

ステップ1

復縁に必要なのは「心の持ち方」と「具体的な行動」

この2つを手に入れる。

 

ポイント1:

正しい「心の持ち方」=冷静になること

 

彼女は真剣に結婚したい!と思って、

楽しみを我慢して、貯金して、

病気とも闘って、必死にがんばっていた。

 

なのに、僕は、飲み会や洋服に浪費して、

何の努力もしなかった・・・。

 

彼女の気持ちや状況を理解することは

復縁する上でも、復縁後結婚生活を送る上でも

とても重要です。

 

でも、後悔や反省だけをしていても、

復縁や修復にはつながりません。

 

復縁に必要なのは、

「心の持ち方」と「具体的な行動」です。

「心の持ち方」とは、感情をコントロールして

「冷静」になることです。

 

後悔や混乱、不安、焦りといった感情にふりまわれて

いては、「冷静」になることはできません。

 

ポイント2:

まず「罪悪感」を抱くのをやめて、

復縁に必要な「心の持ち方」を手に入れる

 

まずは、復縁にしっかり取り組める「心の持ち方」

にするために、「罪悪感」を抱くのをやめてください。

 

「罪悪感」とは、「自分が悪い!」と

あなたが、あなた自身を責めるという、

一番「心を傷つける」感情です。

 

「罪悪感」を抱かない、「自分を責めない」

このことさえすれば安定した「心の持ち方」

ができ、「具体的な行動」ができるようになります。

 

重要:「罪悪感」を抱かない、

自分を責めれことをやめることによって、

復縁にとりくめる「心の持ち方」ができるようになる。

 

 

ステップ2

「彼女の気持ち、状況」と「あなたの気持ち、状況」

の両方を整理し、「別れの原因」を押さえる。

 

今回、あなたと彼女の大喧嘩の原因、別れの原因は

「結婚」に対する認識の違いにあります。

 

あなたと彼女の認識の違いをおさえる前に、

まずは、彼女も含めて女性一般の「結婚事情」

について認識してください。

 

ポイント1:

女性を取り巻く結婚事情

 

女性は、

・妊娠、出産できる年齢に制限がある。

 

・1986年に男女雇用機会均等法が施行されて

30年以上経過するが、職場において今だに、

「女性は結婚、出産して退職」といった風土がある。

 

・親によるロマンティックラブイデオロギー

少女マンガによる「白馬の王子様」思想の刷り込みがある。

 

といった事情から、

「結婚しないとしあわせになれない」

と思わざるをえない現実があります。

 

そのため、女性は男性よりも、結婚に対する

プレッシャーを感じているのです。

 

ポイント2:

女性特有の病気、子宮内膜症

 

次はあなたの彼女の子宮内膜症について

理解を深めていきましょう。

 

子宮内膜症の詳細については以下を

参照にしてください。

http://www.ladys-home.ne.jp/faqsite/ans-files/FAQ-H/FAQ-H0.html

 

ここでは、簡単に説明しますが、

子宮内膜症が悪化すると子宮を摘出しなければならない

場合もあり、妊娠、出産にも大きく影響します。

 

 

病態の特徴として毎月月経がくるたびに

悪化していく可能性を持っています。

 

が、妊娠をして生理が止まってしまえば、

それ以上悪化することはありません。

実際、かなり病状が軽減することが知られています。

 

これらのことをふまえて彼女の気持ちを想像すると、

 

月日が経過すればするほど、

妊娠、出産できないという焦りと不安があった

のではないでしょうか。

 

さらに、彼女の潜在意識では、

あなたと結婚し、妊娠できたら、

子宮内膜症の悪化を防ぎ、病状を軽減できる

 

と思っていたのではないでしょうか。

 

 

彼女にとっての結婚=子宮内膜症が良くなる、

日々の痛みや将来の不安からも解放される!

 

という、一般女性よりもさらに重要な意味を

含んだものだったことが推測できます。

 

重要:彼女には子宮内膜症という緊迫した

事情があります。

 

彼女の気持ちや状況から読み取れる、

潜在意識もしっかり理解した上で、

 

結婚したいのか、復縁したいのか、

自問自答して決めてくださいね。

 

 

ステップ3:

あなたの魅力、価値で、復縁する

 

ポイント1:

具体的なプランを作成する

今回あなたと彼女の別れの大きな原因は、

あなたの浪費癖なので、

 

・浪費癖を直す。

・貯金する努力をする。

 

を約束し、実践することによって、

彼女の信頼を取り戻し復縁したい!思っていますね。

 

しかし、これまで2度も失敗していることなので、

ただ口頭で「努力する」と言っても信じてもらえないでしょう。

 

ですから、具体的に「いつまでに」「いくら」

貯金するのかを書面にして作成し、

彼女に提示することをおすすめします。

 

 

ポイント2:

あなたの得意なことで彼女と復縁し、

しあわせにしてあげる

 

誰にでも苦手なことはあります。

 

別の見方をすれば、あなたの浪費癖も

責めても仕方がない部分だといえます。

 

あなたは貯金は苦手かもしれませんが、

得意なこともありますよね。

 

あなたにしかできないこと、

あなただけの魅力や価値が必ずあるはずです。

 

ですから、あなたの得意なことで

彼女と復縁してしあわせにしてあげてください。

 

例えば、料理が得意、家事全般ができるから、

病気の彼女の分も引き受ける。

 

明るくて、おもしろいから、

彼女が沈んでいるときに笑わせてあげる。

 

などなど、あなたにしかできない、

彼女をしあわせにする方法がたくさんあるはずです。

 

それを彼女に伝えて、安心させてあげてください。

 

重要:苦手な部分を改善するより、

得意な部分をいかして復縁につなげ、

しあわせにしてあげる。

 

 

いかがでしたか。

 

彼女の潜在意識までしっかり理解してあげれば、

あなたにも復縁の可能性は充分あります。

 

どうぞあなたの魅力や価値をいかして、

ふたりでしあわせになってくださいね。

 

永峰あや

  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

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