【性格診断別恋愛】「依存性パーソナリティ」タイプの元カノと復縁するための3つの基礎原則

復縁メール

ちょりん、ちょりん、パリン☆永峰あやです。

 

いきなりドキューン☆あなたはどのようなタイプの女性が好きですか?「純粋でピュアな女」「顔がかわいい女」「やさしい女」「エロい女」「おぼこい女」「メンヘラ女」「ズルい女」などなど。いろんなタイプの女が世の中には溢れかえっていますが。

 

実は。日本人女性にもっとも多いタイプが、自己主張せず、相手の男性に尽くすことによって愛されようとする「依存性パーソナリティー傾向」の女性です。

 

今回は、この、

 

・「依存性パーソナリティー」傾向の元カノの心を引き寄せ復縁する方法

 

についてお伝えします。

 

もしも、あなたがこのことを知らないと…

 

・「あなたには私よりもっといい女性がいるから…」という元カノの言葉の裏にある「本音」を一生知ることができません

 

・元カノがあなたの何に対してガマンしていたのかがわからず、復縁できません

 

・どんなに元カノに復縁をせまっても、「あなたはいい人だし、とても好きだけど、ヨリを戻すことはできない…」やんわり、きっぱり拒絶され続けます

 

でも、もしも、あたがこれを知ることができたら…

 

・彼女の「あなたのこと好きだけど、恋愛関係にはなれない…」の矛盾の裏にある本音がわかります

 

・彼女の揺れる心を逆手にとって、あなた主導で復縁できます

 

・元カノがあなたの何にガマンして、疲れてしまったのかが手に取るようにわかり、もう2度とつらい目を味あわせず、しあわせにすることができます

 

今回の内容は、精神医学や心理学の「パーソナリティー障害」を恋愛に応用した解説になります。斬新かつ再現性の高いアドバイスなので、しっかり五臓六腑に叩き込んで、あなたの大好きな女性との恋愛や、元カノとの復縁にがんがん活用してくださいね。

 

そして、今回のテーマの解説素材として、洋平さん、27歳、男性からの恋愛相談を事例として紹介します。それでは、まずは、洋平さんからの恋愛相談から、イってみよう!ああーん☆

 

【復縁相談】「あなたのためにがんばてきたけど疲れた」と別れを告げられました。洋平さん・27歳・男性

はじめまして、洋平と申します。

 

いつも永峰さんの音声を聞いたり、メールマガジンを読んで日々学ぶことの多い毎日を過ごしています。私が永峰さんの音声を聞く様になったのは、彼女と復縁したいと思っているからです。

 

実は1年間付き合った彼女に1ヶ月半前に振られました。彼女(25歳)との出会いは、SNSのグループで企画した飲み会で出会いました。

 

飲み会の夜、彼女から「今日はありがとう」という内容のLINEが届きました。その日から、彼女とは、毎日LINEをするようになりました。

 

その後もみんなで飲み会や良好をしたり、二人きのデートを重ね、私から告白して彼女と付き合うことになりました。

 

彼女と私は違う県に住んでおり、遠距離恋愛で、実際に会うのは1ヵ月に1回でした。彼女が1人暮らしをしていたので、私が会いに行って、彼女の家に泊まるという形でした。

 

なかなか会えないので、LINEは、毎日、欠かさずしていました。

 

そんな中、私は、仕事で昇格するために、社内研修を受けなければならなくなり、研修の予習と復習のため、彼女とは会えない日々が続いてました。

 

昇格のための社内研修ということは、事前に彼女には伝えて、了解してくれていました。彼女から「研修がはじまる前に、洋平の応援会をしてあげたい!」と言われていたのに、すっかり忘れていました。

 

そして、そのまま会うことなく、昇格に向けての勉強に集中していました。

 

3ヶ月間、会わずにいましたが、長期休暇が取れたので、久しぶりに彼女の家に泊まりに行きました。映画を観たあと、彼女が手料理を作ってくれて、いつもどおり楽しくすごしました。

 

そのデートから4ヶ月後、私の研修が終わったので、次の週に彼女と会いました。その日の帰り際、彼女から「実は、女友達に誘われて、男の子もいる合コンや飲み会に参加してみんなで遊んでいたの。

 

洋平には悪いな…と思ってたけど、楽しかった。洋平という彼氏がいるのに、他の男の子と遊ぶのが楽しいなって思ってしまうのなら、別れた方がいいのかもって思って…」と言われました。

 

私も彼女も、お互いに、「異性と会うのは嫌だ」と言ってたのでショックでした。しかも内緒だったので…。

 

ただ、私も8月によく遊んでいた女友達が、遠方から帰省してきた際に、彼女に説明をした上で、OKをもらって飲みに行ったこともありました(この飲み会は男女混合でしたしよく遊んでいたと行っても2人きりではなくみんなで集まって遊んでいました)。

 

また、私自身の価値観として、交友関係を広めるのは悪いことでは無いとも思います。

 

とはいえ、仕事で、なかなか会う時間を作れず寂しい思いをさせていたので、彼女には謝りました。その時は別れずに済みました。

 

しかし、私と会った次の日も、その時に遊んだメンバーと会うと言っていて「何で会うの?今のやりとりで何でそうなるの?」と、思いました。が同時に「でも、やっぱり悪く言われるのは嫌だし、それに浮気とかしない子だから大丈夫」とも思ったのでOKしました。

 

次の日、彼女は男も含めたグループで遊びに行った様で、私とも普通に連絡を取り合っていました。

 

その後は何事もなく進んでいたのですが、さらに2ヶ月経過した辺りから、何となく彼女との関係が、マンネリしている感じはしていました(彼女からのLINEの返信が、朝来ないときもあったり、夜も、やりとりが以前より、早めに終わったりしてたので)。

 

そのようなこともあり、次のデートは付き合って1年にもなるし、何か楽しめるように工夫しないといけないな!と考えていました。

 

それから翌月の10日頃、夕方から彼女から何の連絡もなく、朝になっても彼女からのLINEが来ず不安でした。

 

その日の夕方に電話しましたが、やはりでません。夜になり「連絡できなくてごめん。残業してた。」と、LINEがありました。

 

彼女の仕事が忙しいのは聞いてましたし、「隣の家との壁が薄いので、夜は電話できない」と付き合い初めから言われていたので仕方ないなと思いました。

 

その返信で私は「病気になって倒れてるんじゃないかなって心配だった。1人暮らしだし、そうなったら大変だから。忙しいのは分かるけど少しは連絡してほしい。」と言いました。

 

すると「長期療養で休んでいる人がいて、残業が多くて疲れている。それにいくら幼なじみとか高校時代の友達でも、他の女の子と会ってるのは嫌だった。いっぱい考えたけど別れたい。自分勝手なコト言ってるのは分かってるけど。」

 

「洋平に、私のことをちゃんと見て欲しくて、洋平に合う人になりたくて、頑張って来たけど、もう疲れた。頑張れない。」と言われました。

 

その後3日間、説得したり私の気持ちを伝えましたが、なかなか気持ちは変わりませんでした。さらに3日後、彼女も悩んで出した答えだし、まずは受け入れようと思い「気持ちは分かったから、一度会おう」と伝え、会う日取りを決めました。

 

そして、その10日後に彼女と会って話し合いをしましたが、別れました。

 

彼女の気持ちとしては、

 

・他の女の子と会うのが嫌だった。

 

・自分は他の男の子と会ってるのに、洋平にはダメだという自分はおかしいということは分かってる。

 

・人の顔を伺うような態度が嫌だ。

 

・「男の子と会う」と言ったとき、本当は止めてほしかった。また、その後も私が異性と会うのを許すような、優しすぎるところも嫌だ。

 

・お互いに素直になって話そうと言ってたけど、結局変われなかった。だからこれからも変われないと思う。

 

・距離を置くにしても、一度別れたい。

 

・気になる人がいるワケでは無い。

 

というものでした。

 

彼女と別れてからでも、SNSでは繋がってます。LINEも数回送りました。しかし、LINEのタイムラインは見れなくなりました。

 

その後、送ったLINEは新年の挨拶と、インフルエンザが流行っているから気をつけてね?と言う内容の2通です。それ以来、連絡はとってません。

 

長々と書きましたが大体、おわかり頂けましたか?復縁に向けて少しでも早く動きたいのですがどのように行動すれば良いのか不安です。

 

永峰さんにお聞きしたいのは以下の点です。

 

①イベントや面白い事があるとSNSに投稿しているのですが、投稿していて大丈夫ですか?

 

②1ヶ月以上たち、私も彼女に言われた点を改善するように心がけ、生活していますので、そろそろLINEを送ってみようと思うのですが大丈夫でしょうか?また、送るのであればどのような内容が良いのでしょうか?

 

③彼女のフェイスブックに、「なんか気になるかも」「好き?かも?」という文章だけの投稿が何度かありました。他の好きな男性がいるのかなと不安ですがどうお考えになりますか?

 

④別れた日の夜に彼女から感謝と謝罪のLINEが届きました。その文末に「私、もっとがんばらないとね。いい女になれたら、また洋平に会いたいな」と書いてました。これは、なぜ、こう言うことを言うのですか?

 

長々となりましたがお答え頂けると嬉しいです。よろしくお願いします。

 

洋平さんからの2通目の復縁相談メール

返信も来ないのにメールを送ってしまいすみません。追加でお聞きしたいことがありますので送ります。

⑤彼女がFacebookに、久しぶりに写真入りの投稿していました。「今日は休みで、靴を買いにきたよ」と言う内容でした。内容にもよると思いますが、いいね!やコメントはしても大丈夫なのでしょうか?

 

⑥彼女の職場で、長期療養の方がいて仕事が忙しいらしく、5月までは忙しいとのことでした。

 

5月までは何もしない方が良いのかなと思いましたが、何もしないでいて、私のコトを忘れられてしまわないか不安です。連絡は控えた方がいいですか?

 

 別れの原因は、「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の女性が求める「男の条件」を持っていないから

洋平さん、丁寧に元カノとの関係を教えてくださってありがとうございます。洋平さんの、真面目で慎重な性格が、文面からも溢れて出ていますよね。

 

そんな洋平さんのお力になりたい!と心から思いますので、ズバババーンと回答させていただきたいと思います。

 

洋平さんは、いくつもの質問をこと細かくしてくださいましたが、これらの質問のほぼ全てが元カノの復縁することや、今後洋平さんが誰かと恋愛関係を築く上で重要なことではありません。むしろ、「どーでもいいこと」ばかりです。

 

こんな、どーでもいい、重箱の箸をつつくようなことにしか目が向けられないから彼女に別れを告げられてしまったのでしょう。

 

(いえいえ、全てを否定しているわけではありません。この、こと細かい、忠実さが、お仕事や人間関係では活かされている側面もあると思います。しかし、元カノの心を引き寄せたいんだったら、ちーいっと、違う視点も持ってケロってことです。)

 

あと、私の相談の経験上、「自分で考えないで人に答えを求める」男性は、復縁成功、恋愛成就できません。洋平、まずは「問い」を立てて、自分なりの「答え」を出してみる。その上で質問するようにしてーや。

 

この、「他人に頼ってばかり」の体質も、彼女に別れを告げられた原因だから。

 

結論から言うと、洋平さんの元カノは、

 

・自己主張せず、相手の男性に尽くすことによって愛されようとする「依存性パーソナリティー傾向」の女性

 

です。この傾向の女性が、最終的に魅かれるのは、

 

・社会的地位や尊敬される人間力があり、父親のような器の大きさがある、精神的にも経済的にも自立したリーダーシップのある。でも、ふとした瞬間に弱さを見せる男性

 

です。しかし、洋平さんはその条件をクリアしていないから別れを告げられたのです。

 

今回は、この「パーソナリティ」の傾向という視点から、洋平さんの復縁成功の鍵となるアドバイスをしていきます。洋平、しょっぱなから、キツイこと言うたけど、ビビんないで、ついてこいやーーーーーー!!!

 

恋愛・異性との出会いは「運命」ではない!「パーソナリティーの傾向」が恋愛を決める

多くの方々が、恋愛における出会いを「運命」や「偶然」と思い込んでいます。そのため「おみくじ」や雑誌の末尾にある「占い」を過剰に気にしてしまったり。

 

それでも不安が解消されない人は、電話占いの「霊視」や「透視」にはまってしまい、100万円以上つぎ込んでしまう…このような悲劇がしばしあります。

 

しかし、私は、10年以上、12000件以上の恋愛相談を受け、多くの男女の話を聴く中で、

 

・「その人の親との関係」で形成された「パーソナリティーの傾向」が恋愛・結婚相手の選択を決めている

 

ということがわかってきました。

 

あなたが恋愛で悩んでしまうのは、あなたひとりの力ではいかんともし難い、「相手の女性の気持ち」が大きく影響するものだからですよね。

 

資格試験に合格する、仕事で成果を出すといった事柄は、あなたの努力と行動だけで目的達成できるものです。しかし、恋愛というのは、相手あってのことなので、あなたがいくら努力しても、うまくいかない場合が多々あります。

 

「彼女に別れを告げられてしまった」「好きな人に告白したけど断られた」「いつも好きになる人には相手にされない」このように、あなたの恋愛がうまくいかないのは、あなたの努力不足とか、やり方が間違っているという問題だけでは、実はないのです。

 

私が恋愛相談をして気づいたのは、本人同士が、お互いの「思考」「感情」「行動様式」について、すなわち「パーソナリティーの傾向」についてわかっていないから、すれ違ってうまくいかないのです。

 

ですから、洋平さんや、あなたが、自分の恋愛や復縁をうまくいかせたい!のであれば、あなた自身の「パーソナリティーの傾向」と、相手の女性、元カノの「パーソナリティーの傾向」について知ることが、成功の鍵を握ります。

 

恋愛・異性との出会いを決める「パーソナリティー」とは?

人は、それぞれ、独自の「思考(考え方)」、「感情(感じ方)」、「行動(実行の仕方)」の傾向を持っています。この、3つの傾向は、18歳を過ぎた頃には固まり、持続性を持ったものとして定着していきます。

 

この「思考」「感情」「行動」の傾向のことを、精神医学や心理学では「パーソナリティー(人格)」と呼びます。

 

「自信満々で堂々としている」人もいれば、「不安が強く自信がない」人もいます。

 

あるいは、「責任感が強い」人もいれば、「いい加減で責任転嫁する」人もいます。

 

「厳しく情がない」人もいれば、「優しすぎて流されやすい」人もいます。

 

「他者と一緒にいるより孤独を好む」人もいれば、「人と会話したり関わり合うのが大好きな」人もいます。

 

こうした、いくつかの特性が組み合わさって、一人の人間の「パーソナリティー」が形成されているのです。

 

そして、様々な研究の結果、こうした特性は、勝手気ままに組み合わされるのではなくて、結びつきやすい特性があり、それぞれ、まとまりを持った、いくつかの「型」に派生するということがわかりました。

 

それが、精神医学の領域においては、「パーソナリティー障害」という精神疾患のひとつとして取り扱われています。そして、このパーソナリティー障害には10の種類があります。

 

・「妄想性パーソナリティー障害」

・「統合失調質パーソナリティー障害」

・「統合失調型パーソナリティー障害」

・「自己愛性パーソナリティー障害」

・「演技性パーソナリティー障害」

・「反社会性パーソナリティー障害」

・「境界性パーソナリティー障害」

・「回避性パーソナリティー障害」

・「依存性パーソナリティー障害」

・「強迫性パーソナリティー障害 」

 

ここは、精神医学を学ぶ場ではなく、あなたの「恋愛」がうまくいく方法を考える場なので、「パーソナリティー(人格)」に偏りがありすぎると、社会生活に支障が出たり、精神疾患や障害になる可能性があるんだ、という程度でおさえておいてください。

 

そして、この「パーソナリティー障害」の10の種類は、障害や精神疾患ではない、心が健康な人々の「パーソナリティーの傾向」としても当てはめることができ、あなた自身がどのタイプに当てはまるのか、相手の女性がどのタイプなのかがわかると、恋愛関係がうまくいくのです。

 

「パーソナリティー」の土台となる「親との関係」「アタッチメント(愛着)」

パーソナリティーは、半分は生まれ持った性質で、遺伝的要因によって決まります。そして、残りの半分程度は、後天的に身につけたものに由来し、環境的要因によって決まります。

 

この両方が混ざり合って、ひとりの人のパーソナリティーが形成されます。

 

繰り返しになりますが、パーソナリティーは、ひとたび形成されると固定し、簡単には変わりません。遺伝的要因と環境的要因によって影響された「考え方」「感じ方」「行動様式」が、その人の人格、パーソナリティーの傾向を作ります。

 

「生まれ持った性質」「後天的な環境によって刷り込まれた価値観や考え方」「行動様式」が混ざり合い、固定化し、簡単には変わらない構造として作り上げられるのがパーソナリティーです。

 

パーソナリティの形成に、一番影響しているのが、その人と「親との関係」です。

 

これは、パーソナリティの土台となるもので「愛着(アタッチメント)」といいます。

 

日本の場合、母親は家庭で子育てと家事を、父親は外で仕事という、性的役割分業が根強いです。

 

そのため、子育ては母親が専従で行う場合が多いため、「母親との関係」によって築かれる「アタッチメント(愛着)」が、その人のパーソナリティーの土台をつくることになります。

 

この「アタッチメント(愛着)」は、親との関係だけではなく、恋愛関係、結婚相手との関係、すべての人間関係の「型枠(かたわく)」になります。

 

例えば、母親によって、丁寧にしつけされ、安定的に、継続的に愛情を受けて育てられた人は、恋人との関係はもちろん、対人関係全般が安定しやすいです。

 

一方、母親が不安定で、適切に世話されず、愛情を受けることができなかった人は、心理状態が不安定です。自分に自信が持てず、他者を信頼できないため、人間関係がうまく築けない場合もあります。

 

すなわち、「親との関係」の「愛着(アタッチメント)」とは、その人と他者との関わり方の「型枠」となって、その後の対人関係に大きな影響を与えるのです。

 

さらに、パーソナリティーの土台となる「アタッチメント(愛着)」に大きく関与しているのが、父親と母親の「夫婦仲の良し悪し」です。

 

両親の夫婦仲が良好な家庭に育った人は、心理状態が安定しており、適度に自信があり、人間関係全般において深い絆を作ることができます。

 

しかし、夫婦仲が悪い家庭に育った人は、心理状態が不安定で、自分も他者も信頼することができず、恋愛や人付き合いがうまくいかない…

 

人が、安定した対人関係を築ける資質を持てるかどうかは、幼少期の家庭環境が、その人にとって、明日への「出撃基地」になるような、帰ってくる「ふるさと」のような安らげる場所であったかどうかが、大きく左右するのです。

 

恋愛関係は「親との関係」の「アタッチメント(愛着)」が最も影響する

その人の「考え方」「感じ方」「行動様式」の傾向、すなわち「パーソナリティ」の土台となる「アタッチメント(愛着)」が、対人関係の「型枠」となりすべての人間関係に影響するといいました。

 

そして、特にその影響が大きいのが、親密な人間関係を築く必要がある恋愛や結婚です。

 

私に恋愛相談してくださる男女の方々で、恋人やパートナーとの関係がうまくいかないという男女の大半が、

 

・その人自身が親との関係において、アタッチメント(愛着)が不安定であった、

あるいは、

・交際相手のアタッチメント(愛着)が不安定であった

 

というケースです。

 

私の経験上、アタッチメント(愛着)が不安定な者同士の恋愛は必ずといっていいほどうまくいかず、互いに愛を搾取し合ったり、悲劇的な結末になっています。

 

一方で、アタッチメント(愛着)が不安定な人が、安定している人と恋人同士になったり、結婚すると、精神的な安らぎが得られるだけでなく、これまでうまくいかなかった人間関係が良好になったり、仕事においても成果を出すようになっています。

 

つまり、洋平さんやあなたが、大好きな女性とのアタッチメント(愛着)を安定させることが、恋愛成就、復縁成功の鍵になります。

 

そして、互いのアタッチメント(愛着)を安定させることができれば、長くつきあい続けることができるし、人間関係や仕事など、人生を全方位的に成功させることができるのです。

 

すなわち、洋平さん自身と「親との関係」はどのようなものだったか、元カノと「親との関係」はどのようなものだったかを振り返り、「アタッチメント(愛着)」の安定度について知ることが、復縁する上で大切です。洋平さんだけじゃなくて、あなたにもね!

 

「アタッチメント(愛着)」の安定を知るために、以下の2つのことを実践してください。

1:あなた自身と母親、あなたと父親、あなたと兄弟姉妹の関係性を紙に書き出す(※関わりの中で、あなたが相手に対して感じた「怒り」「悲しみ」「さみしさ」「安らぎ」「喜び」といった感情にフォーカスして行う)

 

2:元カノと母親、元カノと父親など、元カノと家族の関係を知りうる限り書き出す

 

「パーソナリティ」によって「恋愛の仕方」が全く異なる

ここまでは、「パーソナリティ」の土台となるアタッチメント(愛着)について詳しく解説してきました。

 

このアタッチメント(愛着)が、さらに分化して、その人固有の「考え方」「感じ方」「行動様式」の傾向をつくっていきます。

 

※この分化したものを10種類に分類したものが、精神医学における「パーソナリティ障害」といえます。精神疾患や障害には至らなくとも、人は10種類のうちのどれかに当てはまる傾向があるといえるのです。

 

アタッチメント(愛着)はもちろんですが、この「考え方」「感じ方」「行動様式」の傾向が違えば、「恋愛の仕方」も違います。

 

よく「価値観が合う」「価値観が合わない」と言いますが、価値観というのも、このパーソナリティの傾向によって決まるのです。

 

「自分を犠牲にしてでも他者に尽くすことが大切な価値観」を持っている人もいますし、「自己実現こそ何よりも大切だという価値観」を持っている人もいます。

 

「人とのつながりや愛情を大切にする価値観」を持っている人もいれば、「利益や社会的成功といったスペックが何よりも大切という価値観」を持っている人もいます。

 

としたときに、恋愛において「価値観が合う」からうまくいく、「価値観が合わない」からうまくいかないと考えている人が非常に多いですが、このレベルで判断してしまうのはナンセンスです。

 

パーソナリティの傾向によって、価値観も考え方も、恋愛の仕方も人間関係の築き方も、生き方そのものが違ってきます。

 

ですから、相手がどのようなパーソナリティの傾向であるかを知り、相手の価値観や、喜ぶ愛され方を知る。相手が喜ぶ愛情表現を実践できれば、価値観が合おうが、合わなかろうが、うまくいくのです。

 

「依存性パーソナリティー」傾向の女性の「恋愛の仕方」の特徴

それでは、ここからは、洋平さんと元カノの関係を分析していきたいと思います。

 

相談文から見えてくるのは、洋平さんの元カノは「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の女性だということです。

 

「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の人は、自己主張せずに、他者に尽くすことに重点を置きます。

 

「依存」という言葉を聞くと「弱くてひとりでは生きていけない…」というイメージを想像しますが、行動力があり、献身的で、積極的な人も多いです。

 

ただ、ひとりで生きていくほどの自信はなく、頼れる人を求めていて、その頼れる人に愛情を尽くすことによって、安定を得ようとするのです。

 

この傾向の人は、特に、看護師、介護職、ソーシャルワーカーといった、「ケア」に関わる仕事に就いている人が多いです。※洋平さんの元カノも、看護師で総合病院で働いているそうです。

 

そして、「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の人は、相手に嫌われることが何よりも恐いので、いつも相手に合わせるように、相手の顔色を見て行動します。

 

自分の気持ちや相手への欲求をガマンして、相手の気持ちや相手の喜ぶことを最優先させます。

 

本当は嫌なことに対しても「嫌だ」と言えず、自分自身が追い詰められていたとしても、相手のために尽くしてしまうのです。

 

そのようなことを積み重ねているうちに、自分の本当の気持ちや欲求がわからなくなったり、相手へ自己主張できなくなるのです。

 

いくら毎日LINEをしているとはいえ、月に1回しか会えない遠距離恋愛となると、さみしい、不安と感じる女性が大半です。

 

さらに、彼女は洋平さんの都合で、3ヶ月も会えない状態を、何も言わずガマンしていたことが推測できます。

 

そのさみしさを埋めるために、他の男の子がいる飲み会や合コンに参加するという行為に出たのでしょう。

 

彼女は、相手に嫌われることが何よりも恐いので、彼氏である洋平さんに嫌われないように、さみしさや不安という自分の気持ちや、「会いたい」という「欲求」をガマンします。

 

だからこそ、会えない期間が続いても、自分の気持ちは別れる直前まで言い出さず、12ヶ月経過した別れ際になってはじめて、

 

・他の女の子と会うのが嫌だった。

 

・自分は他の男の子と会ってるのに、洋平にはダメだという自分はおかしいということは分かってる。

 

・人の顔を伺うような態度が嫌だ。

 

・「男の子と会う」と言ったとき、本当は止めてほしかった。また、その後も私が異性と会うのを許すような、優しすぎるところも嫌だ。

 

と、やっとこそさ本音を伝えたるに至ったのでしょう。元カノしゃん、あんた、「おしん」かい!

 

洋平さんの気持ちや状況を何よりも最優先させて、試験勉強に協力しなければ!と尽くし続けるものの、自分の本当の気持ちを洋平さんに言えず、ガマンにガマンを重ね、本当の自分の気持ちさえわからなくなってしまった。

 

さみしさを埋めるためなのかもよくわからずに、異性の男の子と、とりあえず遊んでみた。

 

でも、、、洋平さんへの「罪悪感」と「さみしい、不安。もっと自分の気持ちをわかってほしい」という感情が絡み合い、「他の男の子と会ってるの」という事実を打ち明けたのでしょう。

 

事実を打ち明ければ、洋平さんへの隠し事は消え、嫌われなくてすむ。そして、「もう他の男性とは会わないでほしい」と引きとめられ、嫉妬してくれれば、自分への洋平さんの愛情を確信できるだろうという希望を込めて打ち明けたのです。

 

しかし、洋平さんからは引き止めるような言葉もなし、さみしい思いをさせてごめん!と突然会いにきてくれるといったパフォーマンスもなし。おーい、洋平!起きてるかーい?

 

人の顔色を伺うようなところも嫌だ、優しすぎて頼りないくて不安だから別れたい…という結果になったのです。

 

「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の元カノの心を引き寄せ、復縁する方法

 「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の女性は、次の2つのタイプの男性に魅かれます。

 

①精神的にも経済的にも自立していて、自信にあふれ、リーダーシップがあり頼りがいがある男性

 

②弱くて、自分が尽くして支えてあげないと、ダメになってしまう自立していない男性

 

としたときに、洋平さんは②のタイプの男性といえます。

 

それは、私への相談の文面全体に滲み出ていますよね。

 

「復縁するために行動したい!」と言いつつも、具体的に何をするかについては、洋平さん自身で全く考えることはせずに、私、永峰にたくさんの質問をしている在り方が、いかにも依存的でやわやわ男を象徴している態度です。

 

また、地方の長男という生育環境(※4人兄弟の長男だそうです)から、母親や祖父母に、身の回りのことを何でもしてもらって、大切に育てられたのではないでしょうか。「尽くしてもらって当たり前」という感覚が無意識にあるようにも伺えます。

 

洋平、がんがん言っちゃって、ごめんな!

 

※洋平だけじゃなくて、「地方の、田舎の長男の下駄はかせられ問題」はとおーっても深刻。大切に育てられすぎちゃって、ひとりじゃ何にもできないのに、そのことに気づいてない輩が実はとても多いです。

 

もしも、あなたが当てはまっちゃうのであれば、オレって大した男じゃないんだ!って、下駄からビーチサンダルに履き替えてね。あなたの身の丈にあった景色が、目の前に広がっているはずです。

 

彼女とマンネリ化しているとわかっていても、すぐさま打開策を講じるといった行動力やリーダーシップは見受けられず、何もせずに終わってしまうという点からも②タイプといえるでしょう。

 

彼女にも別れ際に、「人の顔色を伺うような態度が嫌」「優しすぎるところが嫌」と言われているので、ずばり、間違いないでしょう!

 

「依存性パーソナリティー」傾向の女性は、②のタイプの男性に魅かれる、とすれば、洋平さんでOKなんじゃないの?

 

と思いますよね。しかし、それだけでは、②だけでは、物足りないのです。

 

この傾向の女性は、①②のどちから片方ではだめで、両方の要素を持っている男性に強く魅かれ、情熱的な恋愛に発展します。

 

①の強引なタイプにも、②の弱い、優しすぎるタイプにも、一時的に魅かれはしますが、自分の全てをかけてみよう!とは思わず、中途半端に終わってしまいます。

 

としたときに、洋平さんが元カノと復縁するためには、②の要素だけでなく、①の要素を身につける必要があります。

 

すなわち、

 

・社会的地位や経済力

・人を引っぱっていくリーダーシップ

・頼りがいのある、包容力や器の大きさ

 

を身につけ、アプローチの際に演出していく必要があります。

 

「依存性パーソナリティ」傾向の女性は、強い人に依存したいという気持ちがあります。一方で、相手の「弱さ」を打ち明けられると魅かれる嗜好も同居しています。

 

ですから、洋平さんは、今後元カノと復縁する上で、

 

「何か困ったことがあったらいつでもオレに相談してこいよ」「オレは絶対的にお前の味方だから」という包容力やリーダーシップを見せます。

 

さらに、「細かいことは気にしない!」という大らかさを見せるとよりくいついてきます。がぶりんこ☆ってな具合にな!

 

その上で、ふとした瞬間に「実は最近、さみしくなることがあってさ…」と「弱さ」を見せたり、悩みを打ち明けます。

 

このようにすると、元カノは、「寄りかかることができる頼れる」かつ、「弱さを打ち明けてくれるわかりあえる」洋平さんに急速に引かれ、恋愛感情が再燃し、復縁することができます。

 

洋平、言いすぎちゃったけど、らいじょーぶ、らいじょーぶ!②は持ってるんだから、あとは①を身につけるだけ。

 

バチ来ーーーーーい!!! バチ恋ーーーーーーーい!!! 的な気合で、がんがんやっていこうぜ☆

 

そいじゃ、ぐりん、ぐりん、チョリン☆永峰あや

 

  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

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  • パン作りやホームメイドのお菓子作りに必須の2055性教育は今でも不足しており、小売店の店先ではエロ同人というありさまです。2055性教育は以前から種類も多く、エロ漫画なんかも数多い品目の中から選べますし、漫画に限って年中不足しているのは同人誌じゃありませんか。少子高齢化の影響などで、肖像で生計を立てる家が減っているとも聞きます。似顔は製菓以外にも料理用として需要が高いものですし、電子コミック製品の輸入に依存せず、同人での増産に目を向けてほしいです。
    つい気を抜くといつのまにか同人誌の賞味期限が来てしまうんですよね。同人を選ぶときも売り場で最も影像が先のものを選んで買うようにしていますが、同人誌をしないせいもあって、エロ同人にほったらかしで、R18漫画を無駄にしがちです。漫画切れが少しならフレッシュさには目を瞑って2055性教育をしてお腹に入れることもあれば、影像へ入れてしばし忘れるといったワザもないわけではありません。18漫画が大きければもっと違った使い方ができると思うのですが。
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