復縁の自分磨きを勘違いするな!真の潜在意識を活用して復縁する方法

復縁メール

「過去にいじめられた経験から、人に嫌われるのが怖くて、恋愛も人間関係も相手に合わせすぎてうまくいかない…」

 

「恋愛も人間関係も、相手と深く関わることを避けてしまい、人として信用されていない…」

 

「誰かに愛されたい!認めてほしい!という思いが強く、彼女がいないと、さみしくて何も手につかない…」

 

「彼女に、本当に俺のこと好きなの?何度も自分から振るようなことを言って、気持ちを試していたら、逆に別れを告げられてしまった…」

 

「元カノと言い合いになると、見捨てられるのが怖くて、無視したり、はぐらかしたりして嫌われてしまった…」

 

こんちは!永峰あやです。

 

今日は、「人に嫌われるのが怖い」「自分の感情を抑えて、相手に合わせてしまう」「相手が本当に自分のことを好きなのか不安」「彼女がいないと淋しくて何も手につかない」など、

 

潜在意識にある過去のトラウマ、不安、恐怖が邪魔をして、恋愛や人間関係がうまくいかないが男性へ。

 

・復縁の自分磨きを勘違いするな!真の潜在意識を活用して復縁する方法

 

についてお伝えします。

 

もし、あなたがこれを知らなければ…

 

・「知識は豊富だけど、人の感情が理解できない冷たい人間!」と、好きな人からだけでなく、周囲の人達にも敬遠され続けます

 

・潜在意識にある、いじめ、親に言われたこと、思春期の嫌な経験に関連した「ネガティブな思い込み」が、恋愛だけでなく、人生のすべてをダメにしていることに一生気づけず、死んでいきます

 

・「なんか信用できない人」「何考えているのかよくわからない」「自分に自信がなさそう」「いつも人に合わせてばっかり」など、人間的な魅力がないため、彼女ができても、結局振られ続けます。

 

でも、もし、あなたがこれを知ったら…

 

・小学校のときに外見をからかわれたこと、中学の同級生に仲間はずれにされいじめられたこと、親に「あんたはダメな子」と言われたなど、過去のトラウマが解消し、恋愛だけでなく、人生のすべてが楽しくなります

 

・「頼りがいがあってやさしい人!」と元カノの気持ちを取り戻すことができ復縁できます

 

・「堂々としてて、自分に自信があってかっこいい!」と一気にモテるようになります

 

1 「女性心理」を知る

 

2 あなたの「潜在意識にあるネガティブな思い込み」をマインドフルに捉え、本来持っている「ゴールドの価値」を引き出す

 

3 あなたの恋愛、結婚、仕事を阻害する、日本社会の問題を知る

 

私の経験上、この3つのことをやれば、恋愛も仕事も、あなたの人生はすべてうまくいきます。

 

今回は、純さん、23歳の復縁相談を素材に、特に、上記の2にフォーカスして回答していきます。

 

あなたが、日常生活では、無自覚で、顕在化できていない事柄なので、難しい!と思うところもあるかもしれません。

 

が、やさしく、丁寧に説明するので、しっかりついてきてくださいね!

 

っていうか、これから伝えることを、ハラをすえて、じっくりやった人は復縁成功!好きな人と付き合えた!ので実証済み!あなたも成功者のひとりになってください。

 

それでは、まずは、純さんの相談を紹介します。

 

【復縁相談】新しい彼氏がいる元カノと復縁したいです(純さん 23歳)

元カノと復縁を絶対させたくて、ご相談させていただきます。

 

元カノは、20歳で、現在同じ会社なのですが、場所が違うところで勤務しております。

 

別れたのは、3ヶ月前、一週間こちらが連絡をしても、全く返信を返してくれなかったので、

 

「どうして、返事を返してくれないの?」

 

と送ったところ、

 

「別れて欲しい 」

 

と一言返信が返ってきました。

 

この、一言がある前から、月一ペースで彼女からは、「別れて欲しい」と言われていて、こちらもノイローゼ気味になっていました。

 

そして、最後の「別れて!」には、「そっか」と一言添えての別れとなりました。

 

この3ヶ月、何とか忘れようとしていたのですが、職場での花見の席があり、彼女と顔を合わせて再び彼女のことが大好きだったと認識しました。

 

ですが、その花見の席で、他の社員と、話しているのを聞いていると、最近新しい彼氏ができて幸せにしてるというものでした。

 

花見が終わり、家に帰って彼女とどうしても話をしたいと思い、酔った勢いで、元カノに、貸してたマンガを、返してもらう口実に、会いたい!と思い、電話をしてしまいました。

 

電話には、出てくれなかったので、ラインで、「貸してたマンガを返して欲しい」と送ったところ、「返せる日ができたら連絡する」と返信をもらいました。

 

調子に乗って私は、「彼氏は、いつできたの?」と聞き、元カノからの返信で、「彼氏ができたので今は、あんまり、連絡したくない」と言われてしまいました。

 

そこから何件かラインを送ってしまうという、タブーのしつこい連絡をしてしまいました。

 

現在は、永峰さんのブログを拝見し連絡を控えるようにし、もう一度ラインで返信をもらえるよう文面を考えております。

 

元カノと別れた原因は、自分の中で思いつくのは、

 

1、初めての彼女で恋愛が、分からず彼女に任せきりだった。

 

2、付き合いだして、連絡の頻度が下がって寂しい思いをさせた。

 

3、彼女の小さな変化に、気づいてあげれず、「女心を分かるために他の子と付き合ってみたら?」と言われた。

 

まだまだ不満はあったと思います。

 

現在は、自分で、元カノの不満点を考えて改善していくために、元カノが、好きそうなファッション雑誌を読み、彼女の好みの雰囲気を、学んだり、デートスポット、食事の場所などを、リサーチし、リードできる男を、目指して自分を磨いてます。

 

それに合わせて元カノと、同じ勤務地の人から、

 

・元カノの「別れて」という言葉に対して、私がもうちょっとくい下がってくれていたら、付き合ってもいいと思った!

 

と言っていた情報を聞きました。

 

彼女の家庭環境は、父、母、兄、元カノと、なっており、兄の素行が悪く、両親共に兄のことを優 してばかりで自分に目を向けてもらえず愛情に飢えておりました。

 

愛情の求め先が恋人に向かうという、恋愛依存で、おそらくアダルトチルドレンの要素を持っていたと思います。

 

そのため、他の20歳の、女性と比べると交際人数も多く、付き合ってる期間も短く、次の恋人との交際開始も早い状態です。

 

私は、彼女の発言が本当ならば、一番長く付き合っていた彼氏になります。

 

元カノには、彼女主体で返信がもらえそうなラインを あと二週間後ぐらいに送ろうかと考えております。

 

彼女との共通の友人は、おらず、1人で何とかしないといけない状況です。

 

勤務地が違うため、他の社員の連絡先も知らないです。

 

なんとかして、元カノと復縁を果たして生涯のパートナーになって欲しいと思ってます。

 

永峰さん!復縁への糸口を教えていただけないでしょうか?

 

【復縁のタブー】復縁の「自分磨き」を勘違いしているクソ男

純さんの相談文から、私のブログやメルマガ、動画から、「女性心理」についてものすごく勉強してくれてい様子が伺えます。

 

この、真面目さ、努力家、1つの物事に対して最後までやり遂げようとうする粘り強さはあなたの魅力です。

 

女性は、「相手の男性に合わせる」傾向があるからこそ、その人の行動や言葉が「小手先のテクニック」なのか、「内面から溢れる真面目さや誠実さ」なのかを、かなりするどく見抜きます。

 

多くの女性達が、最終的に求めるものは、おもしろく笑わせてくれる恋愛テクニックや、デートをおごってくれる、プレゼントをたくさんくれる経済力でもありません。

 

女性は、その男性の内面から沸き起こってくる、「人間力」「人間的魅力」に惚れるのです。

 

目的に向かって取り組む情熱、包み込むようなやさしさ、安らぎや安定感、洞察力、明晰性、考え方、感受性、リーダシップなど、人間的な魅力がどれぐらいあるかということを、女性は求めているのです。

 

ですから、純さんの真面目さや努力家という魅力は、今後、復縁する上で、元カノを引き寄せてやまないものになるでしょう。

 

今、このブログを読んでいるあなたは、純さんとはまた別の、あなただけの魅力があります。

 

やさしさ?行動力?おもしろさ?頼りがい?いまいちど、何が自分の魅力なのかを振り返り、紙に書き出して、今後の復縁にいかすようにしてくださいね。

 

ただし、、、あなたには、、、魅力もあれば問題もある。

 

あなたの魅力を曇らせてしまっている問題があるから、彼女に振られ、元カノと復縁できない、といった事態が起こっているのです。

 

傷心のあなたに、厳しいことを言って、ごめんくさい!トイレくさい!

 

よく、彼女欲しい!復縁したい!と望む男性達の多くが、

 

・「復縁の自分磨きのために、ジョギングや筋トレをはじめて体を鍛えています」

 

・「元カノに変化を見せるために、冷却期間を置いています」

 

・「元カノに見直してもらうために、前向きになる努力をしています」

 

などなど、自分磨きをして好きな人と付き合えるようにがんばっています!的アピールをされますが。

 

ちょっと、ここからは、説教くさくなるけど、大事なことだから聞いてねん!

 

私から言わせれば、それって単なるアピール、自己満だから!

 

っていうか、あなたが好きな人に振られた原因は、体がゆるかったから?マッチョになれば復縁できるの?

 

絶対に違うでしょ。

 

なんで冷却期間を置いたら、変化を見せることができるの?

 

ただ時間を置くだけで、自分の問題が改善されて、魅力がアップするんだったら、私だって、恋愛相談師やめてひきこもるわ!

 

前向きになる努力をしてる!とかいう行動が全くともなわいない精神論なんて、うんこすぎて言葉が出ません。

 

はあ~。

 

大好きな人に振られて落ち込んでいるあなたをあまり責めたりしたくないし、私も説教されるの嫌いなので、ずーっと黙ってきましたが。

 

・この世は自分磨きを勘違いするクソ男が多すぎる

 

これが、私の実感です。

 

今日で、オナニー行為はやめろ!オナニーはちんこだけにしろ!

 

では、復縁、片思い、仕事、人間関係など、人生の全てを成功させる自分磨きの方法とはどういうことなのか?

 

それは、

 

・自分の潜在意識の問題をマインドフルに捉え、手放し、本来持っている「価値」にコミットメントして生きる

 

ということです。

 

わかりやすくいえば、

 

・自分の問題にまるっと気づいて、ポイっと手放す。そして、あなたが本来、持っている魅力(価値、ゴールド)を全面にぶっ放す

 

ってことです。

 

これが、永峰流の自分磨き、ゴールド男になるための究極の方法じゃあ!!!

 

いいか、「元カノと復縁したい」「彼女欲しい」「モテたい」なんて、中途半端な目的で生きてるんじゃねー。

 

ステイ・ゴールド

 

ゴールドに輝き続ける男になることを目的に、日々の所作を全力で取り組め!

 

中途半端な目的しか持てない男は、淘汰される。ゴールドを目指す男は人生を全方位的に成功させることができる。

 

わかったか!そいじゃ、具体的な方法を伝授していくから、ついてこい!

 

【復縁の自分磨き】あなたの魅力(価値、ゴールド)を阻害する2つのレベルの問題

あなたの魅力(価値、ゴールド)を曇りガラスのように見えなくしてしまっている問題には、2つのレベルの問題があります。

 

1 あなたが少し注意を向ければ顕在化でいる「潜在意識の“表面的”で“一時的”なレベルの問題」

 

2 時間をかけて取り組んでいかないと顕在化できない「潜在意識の“深層的”で“継続的”なレベルの問題」

 

私のような心の専門家は、日々、自分の心や他者の心と対話することが生業なので、このような問題を理解することは、さほど難しいことではありません。

 

 

でも、一般的は、「毎日、自分と向き合っています!」なんていう人は、そうそういません。

 

あなたも、これまではそうだったのではないでしょうか。

 

これまで、なんとなく仕事して、なんとなく遊んで、なんとなく恋愛してきた。

 

でも、突然、大好きな人から振られて、これまで感じたことのない衝撃が心に生じた。

 

彼女を失って、はじめて、自分の未熟さや欠点に気づき、「自分と向き合ってみよう!」と思った。

 

こんな感じですよね。

 

20年以上、30年以上、改めて自分と向き合ったことのない人が、突然、自分磨きなんてことをはじめるわけですから、どうやってやったらいいかわからないのは当然ですし、あなたひとりではうまくいかない可能性が高いです。

 

しかし、やはりあなた自身の力でできることがベストなので、純さんの事例を元に、「潜在意識の“表面的”で“一時的”なレベルの問題」から解説していきます。

 

※もしやってみて、どうしても専門家のサポートが必要な場合は、私のメルマガに登録してください。

 

マインドフルネスに潜在意識を活用するための無料プレゼントや、私の特別サポートを提供します。

 

まだ連絡を取るのは早い!知識を吸収するだけでは、復縁できない

純さんも、あなたと同じように、自分磨きを勘違いしているオナニー男になってしまっています。

 

くりかえしになりますが、オナニーしていいのは、ちんこだけだからね!

 

>>まだまだ不満は、あったと思いますが、自分で、元カノの不満点を考えて改善していくために、元カノが、好きそうな、ファッション雑誌を読み、彼女の好みの雰囲気を、学んだり、デートスポット、食事の場所などを、
リサーチし、リードできる男を、目指して自分を磨いてます。

 

実は、純さんが「自分磨き」と言っているこれらの行動は、恋愛に関する「知識の吸収」にすぎません。

 

確かに、「恋愛心理」や「女性心理」について知らなければ、復縁もクソもないので、「知識の吸収」は絶対に必要です。

 

これさえせずに、焦って自爆する男性が8割なので、純さんは、よくやってる!といえるでしょう。

 

でも、これは、女性と付き合う上での最低条件であり、これだけでは、「自分を磨いて、人間的な魅力を身につけていくこと」はできないということを肝にめいじてください。

 

 

純さんは、

 

・リードできる男を目指して、自分を磨いている

 

と宣言していますが、この「男としての在り方」が、元カノがあなたに望んでいたことなのでしょうか。

 

私は、元カノが「リードできる男」を望んでいたとは思いません。

 

あなたが元カノと復縁したいのであれば、彼女が好きな男性に求めている欲求を知り、それに応えることができる男になる必要があります。

 

元カノがあなたに求めていたのは、

 

・「あなたの殻の中に篭るのではなく、心を私の方に向けてほしい。関わってほしい!対話したい!」

 

ということだったのではないでしょうか。

 

>>月一ペースで彼女からは、別れて欲しいと言われていた

 

元カノが「別れて欲しい」と言うのは、日常的にあなたに不満やさみしさがあったからですよね。

 

では、あなたはこの、不満やさみしさに応えていましたか?

 

>>こちらもノイローゼ気味になって、最後の「別れて」には、「そっか」と一言添えての別れとなりました。

 

これが、元カノに対して、あなたのとった対処ですよね。

 

「どうしてそう感じるの?」「何があったの?」「もっとあなたの気持ちを知りたい!話しを聞かせて!」と、相手に心を向けて関わることをせず、回避して、自分の殻の中に閉じこもって、思考停止状態になっていたことが伺えます。

 

 

また、「ノイローゼ」という表現から、「別れたい」という元カノを回避するだけでなく、あなたの内側に沸き起こってきた「不安」「ショック」「混乱」といった「自分の感情」にも向き合わず、回避していたことが伺えます。

 

>>最後の「別れて」には、「そっか」と一言添えての別れとなりました。

 

相手の心とも向かい合えない、自分自身の心とも向かい合えないから、なすすべもなく、このように言うしかなかったのでしょう。

 

もうひとつ、元カノと同じ職場の人が言っていたことにも、フォーカスしてみましょう。

 

>>同じ勤務地の人からは、元カノが「“別れて”という言葉に対して、もうちょっとくい下がってくれていたら、付き合ってもいい!と思ったのに」と言っていた、と聞きました。

 

「くい下がってくれていたら」=(イコール)「私に絡んでほしい、関わってほしい、心を向けてほしい」という元カノのあなたに対する欲求の表れです。

 

これらのことから、元カノが、あなたにに求めていたのは、

 

・「恋愛の知識を身につけて、リードしてくれること」ではなく、「私に絡んでほしい、関わってほしい、心を向けてほしい、逃げないで!」ということ

 

だといえます。

 

ですから、あなたがすることは、

 

・「相手と向き合う、関わり合う、対話すること」を回避する自分の問題をマインドフルに捉え、手放す。

 

「自分の心に沸き起こってきた感情に向かい合うこと」を回避する自分の問題ををマインドフルに捉え手放す。

 

他者に対しても、自分に対しても、心を開き、関わることができる男になるために、自分の魅力を磨く

 

ことです。

 

それでは、これを具体的に実践する方法を2つお伝えします。

 

復縁方法1「潜在意識の表面的で一時的なレベルの問題」を磨く

まずは、あなたが少し注意を向ければ顕在化でいる「意識レベルの問題」から取り組んでいきましょう。

 

※潜在意識レベルの問題に取り組まなくても、意識レベルの問題をしっかり観察し、何が起きているのかをよーく理解して、対処の仕方を変えるだけで、問題が大幅に改善されることも多いです。

 

以下の3つの手順で取り組んでいきます。

 

1自分の体験を観察する(セルフモニタリング)

 

2自分の体験に、リアルタイムで気づきを向け、受け止め、味わい、手放す(マインドフルネス)

 

3自分の体験に対して、意図的な対処をする、何らかの工夫をする(コーピング)

 

それでは、純さんの実際のうまくいかなかった体験を観察していきましょう

 

1 純さんの「元カノが“別れて”と言ってきた」体験を観察する

私が言っている「観察」とは、ただ単に、「やばい!また言ってきた!」「毎回、ストレスがたまる!」とざっくり観察するのではなく、

 

①環境・ストレッサー(状況、出来事、対人関係など)

②認知

③気分・感情

④身体反応

⑤行動

 

の5つの領域で、「自分に何が起きているのか?」ということをきめ細かく観察していきます。

 

なんだか難しそうに感じるかもしれませんが、1回やってみれば、誰でもすぐにできるようになります。

 

なので、私が解説する純さんの例を参考に、あなたも、自分の体験(彼女と喧嘩した、元カノとうまくいかなかったこと等)を取り上げて一緒にやってみてください。

 

 

それでは、純さんの元カノとうまくいかなかった体験を、上記5つの領域から観察して、紙に書き出しましょう。

 

心理学では、紙に書き出すことを「外在化」と言います。

 

何度「紙に書き出しましょう」と言ってもやらない、うんこヤローが8割強いますが、「外在化」はとても重要です。

 

それは、自らの体験をとにかく外在化すると、つまり外の媒体に書き出すことによって、その体験を手に取って眺められるようになるからです。

 

頭の中だけの観察にとどめるだけでの人は、結局、自分の問題点に気づくことさえできず、元カノに再度連絡してブロックされる、好きな人に同じことをして嫌われると、さらに状況を悪化させています。

 

ちょっと面倒くさいかもしれませんが、外在化は大きな意味があるのです。

 

①出来事(ストレッサー)

・元カノが「別れて」と言ってきた

 

②認知

・「また言ってきた。これで2回目だ」

 

「なんでこんなことを言うんだ?」

 

「何か不満があるのか?揉め事はいい加減にしてほしい」

 

「こういう雰囲気、俺は苦手なんだよ」

 

「なんとかして、今の状況を回避しないと」

 

※認知、すなわち、思い浮かんでくる考えはひとつではないはずです。どんどん沸き起こってきた考え(自動思考)をすべて書き出しましょう。

 

③気分・感情

・不安。この状況から逃げ出したい気分

 

・ものすごい落ち込み

 

・焦って混乱している

 

④身体反応

・背中がこわばる。口がからからに渇く

 

⑤行動

・何もせず、彼女の言うことを無視して、テレビに集中した

 

このように、あなたと元カノの関係において、うまくいかなかった体験を観察していきます。

 

2 「元カノが“別れて”と言ってきた」体験に、リアルタイムで気づきを向け、受け止め、味わい、手放す(マインドフルネス)

次に、1のセルフモニタリングで気づいたことを、評価や否定をすることなしに、優しく受け止め、興味を持って味わい、優しく手放していきます。

 

このことを、マインドフルネスと言います。

 

1で外在化した紙を読みながら、元カノとあなたの体験を、マインドフルに受け止め、味わい、手放していきましょう。

 

ここで、「自分の体験を、ありのままに気づき、受け止める」ためには、自分の体験に巻き込まれず、自分の体験を見ることができる「もう一人の自分」を作ってください。

 

「もう一人の自分」は、自分の体験を、興味を持って、おだやかに観察します。

 

決して、非難したり、厳しくジャッジしたりはしません。

 

・「ああ、彼女と向かい合うのを逃げようとしている考えだな」

 

・「相手と向かい合いたいけど、それができない不安と焦りがすごいな」

 

・「勇気がなく、彼女を無視して、事態がおさまるのを待つしかなかったんだろうな」

 

など。

 

そして、「もう一人の自分」が観察した自分の体験(元カノとうまくいかなかったこと)を、受け止め、味わい、手放します。

 

その体験がポジティブなものであろうと、ネガティブなものであろうと、その体験を「あるがまま」に受け止め、味わい、手放してください。

 

3「元カノが“別れて”と言ってきた」体験に対して、意図的な対処をする、何らかの工夫をする(コーピング)

マインドフルに受け止め、味わい、手放すことができたら、次に元カノと関わるときにうまく対処できるようにこの体験に対して、意図的な対処、何らかの工夫をしていきます。

 

わかりやすくいうと、これまでの純さんの考え方や行動の仕方では、元カノに振られてしまい、今後も復縁できる可能性はありません。

 

なので、純さんの考え方や行動の仕方を、元カノの心を引き寄せ、復縁できるような対処に変えていきます。

 

ここで注意してほしいのが、

 

・人間の反応の4つの中で、「気分・感情」と「身体反応」は直接的に変えたり、工夫することが不可能で、認知(自動思考)」と「行動」であれば、意図的に何らかの工夫をしたり変えることが可能

 

 

ということです。

 

それでは、純さんの「認知」と「行動」を工夫して、元カノと復縁できるよな対処に変えていきましょう。

 

ここでは、私が実践しますが、純さんやあなたは、自分で、復縁できる思考や行動を考え出して、紙に書き出して実践してください。

 

純さんの「認知」を意図的に工夫して、変える

例1:元カノに「別れたい」と言われても、「構ってほしい」「私の方を向いてほしい」の合図なんだと捉えるようにする

 

例2:元カノがネガティブなことを訴えてきたら、自分のことを信頼しているから、正直に言ってくれるんだと考える

 

例3:元カノに責められて、逃げ出したくなったら、「ほら、また悪い癖だよ!向かい合おう!」と自分の心の中で唱える

 

純さんの「行動」を意図的に工夫して、変える

例1:元カノの訴えに対して、逃げようとしたら、深呼吸を3回して気持ちを落ち着かせる

 

例2:体が緊張してきたら、一旦外にでて、手足を動かして、ほぐしてリラックスする

 

例3:元カノの話しを無視しないで、目を見ながら聴くようにする

 

書き出すころができたら、今日から元カノに対して実践してください。

 

以前のあなたとは違う、元カノの心を引き寄せられるような「認知」や「行動」を実践するので、復縁の可能性が高まること間違いなしです。

 

復縁方法2「潜在意識の深層的で継続的なレベルの問題」を磨く

上記の「潜在意識の表面的で一時的なレベルの問題」に対して取り組んでも、まだ、元カノとの関係が修復できない、好きな人に同じ間違いをしてしまう場合は、「潜在意識の深層的で継続的なレベルの問題」について取り組んでいく必要があります。

 

 

このような男性は、潜在意識に「見捨てられる」「人を信用できない」「愛されない、わかってもらえない」「自分は孤立している」「自分は無能でダメだ」「何をやっても失敗する」「感情抑制」「完璧主義」等の「思い込み・信念」があり、それが原因で、恋愛や対人関係がうまくいかないのです。

 

 

これらの「思い込み・信念」は、「主に幼少期や思春期の傷つき体験」によって形成されます。

 

つまり、幼少期から成人するまでの、親との関係、学校の教師や友人との関係、いじめ、挫折等の体験によって形成されるのです。

 

ジェフリー・ヤングというアメリカの心理学者は、これらの「思い込み・信念」のことを「早期不適応スキーマ」と呼んでいます。

 

そして、「早期不適応スキーマ」は、人生の早期に形成され、形成されたときは、確実にその人を守るため、その人が生き延びるために形成され、当初は適応的だったが、その後、その人が大人になるにつれて、かえってその人を生きづらくさせてしまうのだと言っています。

 

 

まず、あなたは、

 

・好きな人とうまくいかない、良い関係を築けない原因である、自分の「早期不適応スキーマ」を知る

 

必要があります。

 

そのために、

 

・0歳から成人するまで(現在まで)の記憶を振り返り、生きてきた道を振り返る

 

ことをしてください。これは、言い換えると、「過去の傷ついた自分に会いにいく」ということです。

 

具体的には、

 

・0歳から成人するまでの(現在まで)の体験を、紙に書き出して年表にする

 

ことをしてください。

①いつ?

②どんな環境や出来事だったか?

③どんな体験で、何を感じたか?

 

という3つのポイントを意識して書き出してください。

 

純さんにも実際にやってもらい、以下のような感想のメールをいただきました。

 

復縁方法2を実践した純さんからの感想

こんにちは、先日は私の相談に回答して頂き、ありがとうございました。

 

2つの回答を拝聴し、自分の中で殻をつくってしまっているという、アドバイスを頂き、自分自身と、この2日向き合ってみた結果、自分の中で答えが出たような気がするので、相談させていただきます。

 

私の家庭環境は、父、母、私、弟の4人家族で、親から虐待を受けているということはなく、ごくごく普通の家庭環境だったと思っております。

 

問題は、私が中学の頃に虐められていたことです。

 

私は、中学の頃、中学1~2年の時に、暴力はなかったのですが、グループに入れてもらえず、誰からも相手にされない孤立していた時期がございました。

 

その時、自分の中での回避方法として、他人の意見をまず第一に、そして自分の感情を殺すなどして、とにかく孤立を避けるように工夫してきた時期があったと思い出しました。

 

元カノと付き合っていた頃も、人の話を聞いていないと言われることがありました。

 

自分の中では、他人の意見が第一優先なので、話なんか聞いてなくても元カノの通りに動くから、自分の意見なんか必要ないと考えていた姿勢が、前回ご相談させて頂いた、どんなことも彼女任せになっていたのだと思います。

 

初めての彼女だからではなく、どんな人にも対しても、自分の感情を殺し、相手に合わせていく結果が今の元カノとも心から向きあって話せていなかったのだと、回答を拝聴して、理解しました。

 

これから、自分の中で相手と心から向き合って話せるようになるための潜在意識の改革の方法を教えていただけないでしょうか?

 

自分の潜在意識を変えていければ、元カノに振り返ってもらえるだけでは、なく自分の人間的魅力も改善していくことができると思っております。

 

純さんでいえば、

 

・孤立を避けるために、自分の中に沸き起こってきた感情を抑制して、相手に服従して行動する

 

というのが、「早期不適応スキーマ」になります。

 

この「思い込み・信念」は、思春期は、孤立を避けることができ、友人関係をうまくやりすごすことができて、純さんにとって適応的でした。

 

しかし、社会人になってからは、人の話を聞かず、心から向かいあうことができないず、彼女との関係やその他人間関係をうまく築くことができないという、純さんにとって不適応なものになってしまっているのです。

 

 

この、不適応な「思い込み・信念」を、マインドフルに受け止め、味わい、手放す。

 

そして、あなたの恋愛や仕事、人生のすべてをしあわせにする、新たなスキーマを考え出し、身につけ、実践していく。

 

これが、「潜在意識の深層的で継続的なレベルの問題」を磨く方法です。

 

以上、

 

・復縁の自分磨きを勘違いするな!真の潜在意識を活用して復縁する方法

 

についてお伝えしました。

 

純さんの感想メールに、さらなる潜在意識の改革や活用方法を教えてほしい!という希望がありました。

 

あなたも、同じことを望んでいますよね!

 

実は、今回のこの記事。ここまでで、11000字超えの、超大作!潜在意識活用ロマンになってしまいました。

 

これぞ、潜活ロマンポルノ!

 

ぐふふ。

 

 

  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

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  • The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  • Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  • This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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  • If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

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  • The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

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    ABOUTこの記事をかいた人

    6年間に及ぶ精神科病院での診療経験を基に、ゲリラな人間心理の専門家として活動中。電話相談師としての累計相談回数は11152件以上と圧倒的で、常に順番待ち。メールボックスには毎日喜びの声が寄せられている。相談内容は恋愛、仕事の悩み、人間関係、鬱など様々。相手を包み込むような愛情と、ガツンと響くストレートなアドバイスはとても人気があり、日本全国に数多くのファンを抱える。連日相談申し込みが殺到しており、今から申し込んでも相談は1ヶ月後より先になってしまうほど人気。現在は「恋愛相談師」として、特に復縁に悩む男性に向けて、自身の経験や、電話相談師として見てきた数多くの女性のリアルな意見を取り入れた復縁術を公開中。