【セックスしたい】キス・セックスを拒否する女性をその気にさせて確実にやる激ヤバ方法

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こんにちは。永峰あやです。

 

「彼女は女子高出身で、恋愛経験がほとんどない。強引なことはできない、でも進展しないし、どうしたらいい?」

 

「好きな女性は男と深い関係になることが極端に苦手。何度もデートしてるのに、キスもセックスも拒否された。どうしたら付き合える?」

 

「元カノは男性が苦手な腐女子。どうしたら、心を開かせて、復縁できる?」

 

「やさしくて、真面目な彼女が、実はヤリマンで浮気しまくっていた…。今後どうしたらいい?」

 

「好きな人が、いろんな男とセフレ状態。やめるように言っても聞き入れてもらえなくてつらい…」

 

このように、好きな女性が、キスやセックスなど「性的なこと」が「過度に苦手、消極的」に、あるいは「過剰すぎる」ことに悩んでいる男性へ。

 

・【セックスしたい】キス・セックスを拒否する女性をその気にさせて確実にやる激ヤバ方法

についてお伝えします。

 

もし、あなたがこれを知らなければ、、、

 

・「女性の性(セクシュアリティ)」に無知のまま、彼女の嫌がることをし続けて振られます

 

・彼女の気持ちに配慮しないまま、強引にキスやセックスを迫って振られます

 

・「女であることへの苦しみ」ゆえに、たくさんの男とセックスしてしまうという本質を理解できず、彼女を傷つけます

 

でも、もし、あなたがこれを知ることができたら、、、

 

・「女性の性」の複雑さを理解して、好きな人を思いやる、キスやセックスができます

 

・女性としての性や身体を受け入れることができない…、そんな彼女の苦しみを理解してあげられる、ゴールド男になれます

 

・女性の心や体に思いやりを持つことができるようになり、モテまくります

 

これさえ知れば、男性のあなたとは全く違う、大好きな彼女の「女性としての性」を理解して、日頃のお付き合いや、キス、セックスを楽しむことができます。

 

少し、専門的な内容で、難しく感じるかもしれませんが、できるだけわかりやすく説明するので、最後までついてきてくださいね!

 

キスやセックスが苦手な元カノとどうやったら復縁できる?

それでは、今回のテーマに関連する、ケイさんの相談を紹介します。ケイさんの相談を要約すると。。。

 

二か月ほど前に半年お付き合いした彼女と別れた。

 

彼女は女子高出身で、そのまま卒業後に就職したため、恋愛経験がほとんどない女性だった。

 

彼女に嫌われたくなかったので、あまり強引な事をせず、平穏な関係を続けていたが、ほとんど進展せず。

 

とにかく彼女が楽しめる事をしようと色々試みるもすべて空振り。

 

手を繋いで歩くことはするものの、隣に座っても距離を空けられる…。キスしようとするものなら本気で嫌な顔をされる…。

 

そんな状況が続き、落ち込み、苛立ち、不機嫌になった私は、彼女を小馬鹿にしたような態度をとってしまった。

 

その日のLINEは未読無視。1週間後に会ったものの、「あなたのことがどうしても好きになれなく、気持ちばかりが焦ってしまう。辛いから別れてほしい」と振られてしまった。

 

彼女はオタク趣味があり、いわゆる世間でいう腐女子という子。最初から心の壁があり、自分のことをあまり話したがらない子だった。

 

とはいえ、彼女の心をもっと開きたかったし、ずっと優しくしていれば別れなかったのに…と悔やんでいる自分がいる。

 

彼女のことがあきらめられない。どうしたらいい?永峰さんの率直な意見をください。

 

という相談です。

 

うーん。男性との接点が少なく、恋愛、セックスが苦手な彼女に配慮して、ものすごくがんばってきた様子が伝わってきますよね。

 

でも、強引にいかず、優しくしていたけど、彼女の心を開かせることはできなかった…。とてもくやしいですよね。

 

どのようにすれば、彼女が心を開き、深い関係になることができるでしょうか?

 

そのためには、

 

・男性との恋愛、セックスに「過度に消極的」になってしまう、逆に「過剰すぎて」しまう女性心理

 

について知ることが大切です。

 

恋愛、セックスが「苦手、消極的」。逆に「過剰すぎる」女性心理

恋愛は、男性と女性という、違う「性」を持った者同士の、心と体の関わり合い。

 

なので、男性であるあなた自身の「性」について、そして、相手の女性の「性」についての正しい知識が必要です。

 

なぜ、あなたの彼女は、性的行為に「過度に消極的」になってしまうのでしょうか?逆に「過剰」になりすぎてしまうのでしょうか?

 

それは、この社会において、男女の性(セクシュアリティ)が、非対称的(均等でない、不均等)に位置づけられているからです。

 

男女のセクシュアリティの非対称性とは、

 

・セックスにおいて「主体的に欲望するのは男性のみで、女性には主体的な欲望がない」

 

という、近代に一般化された性的関係のことをいいます。

 

現在も、大半の人が、「性欲の強い男性が、主体的になって、性欲が弱い、受け手である女性をせめる」のが、普通のセックスと考えています。

 

(※アダルトビデオでは、女優さんが男優さんをせめるモノもあり、好んで見る男性もいます。

 

しかし、多くの男性は、現実の、自分の彼女がセックスに積極的だったり、オナニーすることに、嫌悪感を示します。

 

それは、性的関係おいて、男が主体、女が客体という価値観が根付いているからといえます。

 

「女とは、こういうものだ」という価値規範は、それが“女”として生まれてた人達、全員の本質だと決めつけられると、女性としては非常にキツイな~と私は思います。

 

男性なら「俺はこんなにたくさんの女と寝たんだぜ!」という話は自慢になります。

 

でも、同じことを女性が言ったら、「頭おかしいんじゃないの!」と批判されてしまいますよね。

 

もっと、女性が、自由奔放に、自分のオナニーやエッチについて、楽しく、公に話せる場があれば、こんなに苦しくないのに~と思います。)

 

このように、多くの男女が、表面上は、「男女の非対称性」を当たり前のこととして受け入れています。

 

しかし、一部の女性にとって、この「男女の非対称性」は、受け入れ難く、非常に苦痛なものとしてのしかかります。

 

(※一部ではなく、大半の女性が苦痛だと感じています。ですが、大多数は感じないフリをして、誤魔化して生活している。というのが正確な言い方です。)

 

このような、社会的な価値観が影響し、女性は、思春期になると、

 

「自分の体が自分のものではなく、誰か(男性)に見られていて、誰か(男性)を喜ばせることを期待されている」ということに気づきます。

 

そして、成人するプロセスで、自分という存在が、「男性に選ばれ、男性に認められなければ、価値がないのではないか」という感覚を抱くようになるのです。

 

このような感覚を抱きつつも、うまく切り抜けられる女性もいます。

 

しかし、一方で、この「男性との関係性の中で、自分を肯定しなければいけない」という目に見えない圧力に耐えられない女性も少なからずいます。

 

性的関係において優位な位置づけをされている男性は、自分で自己肯定すれば問題ありません。

 

しかし、劣位な位置づけをされている女性は、自己肯定だけでは完全な存在にはなれない。

 

どんなに自己肯定しても、男性から認められなければ、不完全である、という不安が消えないのです。

 

そのような女性たちは、自分の身体の女性性に戸惑い、恐怖を覚え、否定したり、嫌悪するようになります。

 

そして、自分の女性性を否定している女性は、男性との恋愛、キスやセックスを、避けるようになります。

 

なぜなら、男性と関わるたびに、自分の女性性への恐怖や嫌悪を思い出してしまうからです。

 

「男性と恋愛したい。でもセックスに嫌悪感があって、できない…」

 

「あの人のことは好き。キスやセックスもしたい!でも、そんな性欲のある自分が気持ち悪い…」

 

「なんかわからなけど、気分が悪い…」

 

このように、女性である自分に対して否定的になったり、男性と関わることに違和感や不安を抱いてしますのです。

 

自分の女性性を否定している女性の中には、男性との恋愛やセックスに過剰になる場合もあります。

 

「男性に選ばれ、認められれば、価値のある女性になれる」「“自分は不完全だ”という不安や恐怖を消すことができる」という思いから、男性との性愛関係を過剰に求めるのです。

 

男好き、セックス好きのヤリマンというわけではなく、「女性という身体を持ってしまった心の不安さ」を埋めるために、男性との関係を求めるということを理解することが大切です。

 

腐女子になる、「ボーイズラブ」「ヤオイ」が好きな女性心理

ケンさんの元カノは腐女子だったそうですが。

 

腐女子といわれている女性達も、自分の女性性への嫌悪感があるから、「ヤオイ」「ボーイズラブ」といった「男性同姓愛」の作品を好むといわれています。

 

ボーイズラブや、ヤオイは「関係妄想」の世界です。そして、これらは単なる、「男性同性愛」とは違います。

 

ひとことで言うと、「男女のキス、セックス」を描かないための、工夫がされている読み物なのです。

 

女性が登場しない「関係妄想」の世界は、男女の性的関係において、社会が女性に求める見えない圧力から逃避して、恋愛を楽しむことができます。

 

また、男性との恋愛の失望体験から、ボーイズラブにのめりこむ場合もあります。

 

ボーイズラブやヤオイは男女の恋愛が描かれず、登場人物が男性だけだから、安心して読むことができるのです。

 

万が一、男女の恋愛が描かれていたら、腐女子たちが、現実生活で味わってきた失望体験が、呼び起こされてしまいます。

 

例えば、、、

 

・男の子に相手にされなかった

 

・告白したのに振られた

 

・男子に「汚い」「バイキン」などとからかわれ、ものすごくいじめられた経験があった

 

・男の子との恋愛にあこがれているのに、その機会がなく、鬱屈がたまっていた

 

・母親に「女性として魅力がない」と他の姉妹の比較されて育ち、「自分はどうせ、男に好かれない女だから恋愛できない」という劣等感があった

 

など。

 

苦い思いが呼び起こされるから、純粋な「関係妄想」にひたるために、あえて、女性が登場しない、ボーイズラブを選んでいるのです。

 

※もちろん、このようなことを自覚しつつはまっている、ポジティブな腐女子の方たちもたくさんいます!

 

複雑な女心を開かせる方法:思いやりを持つ(コンパッション、慈悲)

「好きな女性は男と深い関係になることが極端に苦手。何度もデートしてるのに、キスもセックスも拒否された。どうしたら付き合える?」

 

「やさしくて、真面目な彼女が、実はヤリマンで浮気しまくっていた…。今後どうしたらいい?」

 

セックスやキスなど「性的なこと」に「過度に消極的」、あるいは「過剰すぎる」女性の心を開かせ、付き合うためにはどのようにしたらいいでしょうか?

 

あなたの恋愛を成功させるためには、

 

・思いやりを持つ(慈悲、コンパッション)

 

を実践してください。

 

※「たまにそっけなくしたり、たまに優しくしたりして、希少価値を高め、恋愛対象になるべきだ」と、テクニックをたくさん使って、彼女のイエスを引き出せ!というアドバイスをする専門家もいます。

 

しかし、複雑な女性心理を知れば、このような小手先のテクニックは、相手を傷つけることにしかならないことがわかると思います。)

 

・思いやりを持つ(慈悲、コンパッション)

 

は、永峰流CCCカウンセリングの基本姿勢のひとつです。

 

この姿勢で関われば、どんなに心の壁が厚い女性でも、必ず心を開いてくれます。

 

小手先のテクニックよりも、本格的なカウンセリング技術を応用して、確実に成果を出してくださいね!

 

話を戻します。

 

思いやりを持つとは、相手のすべてに対して関心を向けて尊重することです。

 

相手のすべてに関心をむけるとは、その人の明るさ、やさしさ、努力する姿勢など、あなたが好む、受け入れやすいものに注意を向けることです。

 

そして、それと同時に、強欲さ、卑屈さなど、あなたにとって好ましくない、否認したくなるものにも等しく関心を向けることです。

 

思いやりを持つことは、相手や、相手とのやりとりの中で現れてくる全てのことに、開かれた態度でいることでもあります。

 

開かれた態度とは、あなたにとって好意的なことに対しても、排除したくなることに対しても、「イエス!」と言うことです。

 

私たちは、自分の価値観や信念と違うことに対しては、批判したり、非難したりしたくなります。

 

自分にとって、間違っているものは排除して、正しいものだけを選択したくなります。

 

思いやりを持って、相手に開くということは、目の前にある事柄に対して、「良い悪い」を決めつけるのではなく、その事柄の「本質」を見極めることでもあるのです。

 

・思いやりを持つ

 

を、好きな女性に対してだけでなく、家族、職場の人たち、友人、合コンで出会った女の子など、あなたに関わるすべての人に実践してください。

 

日常の中で実践することによって、思いやりを持つことが習慣化されます。習慣化されれば、彼女に対しても、自然に思いやりを持って接することができるようになります。

 

このように接していれば、誰にも言えないような秘密やプライベートなことを、あなたに話してくれるようになります。

 

ぜひ、実践して、彼女の複雑な心を開いてあげてくださいね。

 

以上

 

・【セックスしたい】キス・セックスを拒否する女性をその気にさせて確実にやる激ヤバ方法

 

についてお伝えしました。

 

バイバイキーン☆

永峰あや

 

  nagamine-blog-soudan-footer   恋愛心理

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    ABOUTこの記事をかいた人

    6年間に及ぶ精神科病院での診療経験を基に、ゲリラな人間心理の専門家として活動中。電話相談師としての累計相談回数は11152件以上と圧倒的で、常に順番待ち。メールボックスには毎日喜びの声が寄せられている。相談内容は恋愛、仕事の悩み、人間関係、鬱など様々。相手を包み込むような愛情と、ガツンと響くストレートなアドバイスはとても人気があり、日本全国に数多くのファンを抱える。連日相談申し込みが殺到しており、今から申し込んでも相談は1ヶ月後より先になってしまうほど人気。現在は「恋愛相談師」として、特に復縁に悩む男性に向けて、自身の経験や、電話相談師として見てきた数多くの女性のリアルな意見を取り入れた復縁術を公開中。